6 Secret Tests Your Cat Runs On You Every Day

Have you ever wondered if your cat is secretly grading you like an overly strict teacher with a red pen? I regret to announce that you are right to wonder that. By adopting a cat, you unknowingly signed a contract to have every tiny thing you do assessed. [music] Certain actions of your feline flatmate may seem like quirky little habits, but in truth are ways for them to sneakily judge you and ascertain if you are trustworthy, if you are indeed safe. Let's break down six tests [music] your cat does on you and you can figure out if you're passing, failing, or being tolerated under probation. Test one, the space test. Now, the first cat test initiates the moment you wake up. Your cat, like all cats, is a total master of personal territory. There's something cats do that I like to call the plop and claim. It's when cats will suddenly plop themselves in a spot like the doorway, the middle of the hallway, maybe directly on top of your laptop, and claim that spot as theirs, even if it's irritating for you because you need to keep stepping around them or now can't type those emails you need to write. Here we go. You are officially being [music] tested. Ethologist Dennis Turner explains in his book, The Domestic Cat: The Biology of Its Behavior, that cats use spatial proximity as both a comfort measure and a mechanism to regulate social interaction. To convert that into non-iththologist speech where they choose to sit, [music] stand, or simply flop is a very intentional signal. Blocking your path in the hallway is not just them inconveniently getting in your way, although there is a little bit of that at play, but they're also doing it to watch how you react and assess [music] how you cope. Do you step over them? Do you shove them aside? Or do you respect their chosen zone and adjust yourself? Passing this test means you show awareness and respect for their boundaries. But failing it, doing something like nudging them out of the way with your foot, well, that tells them that you're not exactly mindful of their feline sovereignty, [music] and that will not go down very well. Need to do it now and then? Well, that's okay. They can shake off the occasional minor discretion, but do it again and again? Well, you may accidentally train your cat into thinking they can never trust you to respect them. Test two, the sniff test. So, every time your cat sniffs your hand when you come home, it's not just a cute hello. It's an official investigation. Because the nose knows, especially your cats, because given their sense of smell is about 14 times stronger than humans, our cats noses are one of the most powerful tools they have in their arsenal. Especially when it comes to evaluating if you're a good pet parent or not. They can smell where you've been, who you've touched, and even if you've had the audacity to pet another cat. They will smell the residue of enemy fur in your fingertips from a mile away. Do you have a friend who has a cat? Have you ever gone a long time without visiting? And when you do, it takes their cat a few minutes to recognize you, often needing [music] to sniff you first. Well, this is because, according to the book Catsense by John Bradshaw, the smell of a human is more vital than the look of a human to help a cat recognize someone. Imagine if you bumped into someone you hadn't seen in a few years and needed a good sniff before going, "Oh, yeah, you're Martin. We did math classes together at college. That is a cat situation. So when they do the deep inhale when you come home, that's them testing that you are the same person who left the house that morning. And that's a test you may well fail if your scent has been corrupted by the smell of another animal. You may find that if you have been spending a bit too much time with a friend's cat or dog during the day, you fail the sniff test. Your cat will probably go a bit crazy with the headbutts that evening, and that's because their face is covered with their smell. And a bit like covering up BO with deodorant, they're trying to cover up the smell of the other animal with the smell of them. Test three, the [music] bite test. The sensation of your cat's sharper than you expected teeth piercing through your skin as they seemingly mistake you for tuna and decide to chomp down. Now, surely there is nothing in the world that proves your cat hates you more than such an act of violence. But don't fear, you're not at risk of being eaten. Your furball doesn't hate you. This is just the third test, the bite test. Now, these little love bites, where you suddenly get downgraded from king of the house to human-shaped chew toy, are actually, according to anthropologist Elizabeth Marshall Thomas, a way of gauging whether you can handle affection on their terms. In her book, The Tribe of Tiger, side note, such a good name for a book about cats, she writes about how cats demand control over intimacy. And if they feel it's necessary, [music] they will enforce that control with teeth. Essentially, nibbling isn't about hurting you. It's about seeing if you respect that they get to decide when the closeness ends. Now, the problem here is passing the test requires just sort of taking it. And as much as we love cats, let's [music] not kid ourselves. Being eaten by them can hurt. And an easy way to pass the test without having to just sit back and let someone you bend over backwards to care for seemingly turning on you [music] is to do what you can to react calmly yet still pull your arm free. Stay calm. Don't jerk away or yell. Don't take it personally getting angry at them. Just quietly, if you can, wriggle your arm free from their chompers. If you do it like that, you'll still pass the test. but [music] yell out in panic, well, you might just get filed away in their minds as an unreliable cuddle partner. Test four, the attention [music] test. Okay, all of our cats can have aloof moments, and all of our cats can have goofy, attention-seeking [music] moments, especially if, like me, you are blessed with the hyperactive carnage that is living with an orange [music] cat. But they're flip-flopping from introvert mode to diva mode aren't always random. When they meow, at your leg, or flop dramatically in front of you, they are not just asking for attention. Although, of course, that plays a little bit of a role. This is yet another test. The big question is, can they rely on you to respond when they need you? As explained by the behavioral biologist Sharon Cra Davis, social bonds between cats and humans are maintained by consistent, [music] responsive interactions. If they meow, they want you to answer back. If they pop their paw on your arm, they want you to acknowledge that as the cute interaction that it is. This is a little bit like the first test, the space test. If you fail now and then, that's fine. You can't acknowledge every attention-seeking thing they do. Especially if your cat is anything like my cat, who literally right this second is meowing at me with the intensity and drama of a Nicholas Cage performance. But your cat will remember every single time you ignore their requests for attention. every single time you scroll to Tik Tok instead of saying hello buddy when they meowed at you and eventually you will have ignored them too many times and they'll hold it against you. Test five, the sleep test. Now, in my opinion, this is perhaps the most flattering test of all. According to zoologologist Desmond Morris, cats only sleep deeply in the presence of individuals they completely trust. When your cat curls up on your bed, your chest, or right against your legs, that's a huge compliment. But twist alert, every time they nap on you, they're testing. Are you a safe pillow? Do you stay still enough? Do you protect their vulnerable snooze time? If you get things right, you may find yourself consistently being their mattress of choice. But if you toss, turn, rudely get up, and disturb them in the middle of the night with your need for a midnight snack. Well, then you might be demoted [music] to second choice of bed after something less prone to squirming, like the laundry pile. Test six, the grooming test. So, earlier we were talking about how our cats can bite us, but sometimes they're more affectionate with their mouth-based shenanigans. Sometimes they opt for a whole cute licking session. Surely that's not also a test, right? Well, in the world of cat logic, everything can be a test. Cats that groom one another are reinforcing social bonds and trust. If your cat chooses to groom you, that means you've been embraced as a member of the litter. You have officially passed all the tests I've mentioned so far and are now officially a part of their family. But even after passing all the tests, you can still fail. Now they're grooming you, they expect you to let them treat you as one of the family. If another human family took you in as one of their own and you rejected their kindness, of course they'd be right to be insulted. This also applies to your cat. If you recoil from the licking, well, that's failure o'clock. But embracing it, despite how scratchy their tongue is, you're making it very clear that you are happy to be folded into the colony. The final test has been passed and you are officially a cat now. Want to do some tests of your own? Then check out my next video. Kiss your cat's head and see what happens.