جلسات #مع_نفسي 10 ... المُدخلات ودائرة الجهل والأمراض النفسية

Dr Abdul Rahman:

Welcome back once again. The Host: Welcome back Dr. Dr Abdul Rahman:

How's your situation with inputs? The Host: Afraid of them as usual Dr Abdul Rahman:

Look, I want this to be very clear I am intentionally trying

to scare you a little The Host: Alright... Dr Abdul Rahman:

Because as I said in the last session, if inputs were managed

many things will get fixed afterwards So bear with me as I try to deliver the

seriousness of inputs and their dangers Because as you can see, inputs are involved

in parenting, character building, and even in psychological disorders,

as we will see today The issue of ignoring inputs and the resulting ignorance,

that’s not trivial at all The Host: I feel that fearing

inputs is beneficial because the person is now

aware of everything around him but at the same time

there are many stimuli around him to focus on,

making the situation very difficult! Dr Abdul Rahman:

You reminded me of something many have told me

during sessions and lectures, which is “Dr., may Allah forgive you, you made us aware of things

we were never aware of in the past ” The Host: “You made us see!” Dr Abdul Rahman: Subhan Allah, the best

description I’ve heard so far was a very impactful description

from one of our students at Makany center He said: “Dr. your teachings make me feel

as if I was awake in my dream so when you came to wake me up

[in reality] I started to hate waking up from my dream

that I thought I was originally awake...” So the topic of bringing

to my attention that, “No, no you are deceiving yourself,

you were originally sleeping” It’s painful to be aware… but trust me

it’s annoying in the beginning but after a while you will be

capable of controlling yourself on what to pay attention to and

what not to pay attention to! When to be highly conscious

without it occupying much of your mind This is important of course, because in the end we need conscious people,

not absentminded ones! Yesterday, we spoke about ignoring inputs

and its relation with ignorance, but the meaning of ignorance

needed further clarification Dr Abdul Rahman:

We mentioned that ignorance is 2 types: “General ignorance”

and “Specific ignorance” What is “general ignorance”

and “specific ignorance”? “General ignorance” is a common

state amongst people: the ignorance of

Who am I and why do I exist? Who am I and why do I exist?

And what do I want? If this was fixed,

many other issues will be fixed as well Many people go through hardships, but because they know

(who am I and why am I here) you find them overcoming these troubles

and psychological hardships and distress easily Whereas if I did not know who I am The Host:What do you mean by

“Doesn’t know who he is”?! Dr Abdul Rahman: Meaning

he doesn't know his (Self) We’ll discuss it during our

session on Creationism But in short: When I don’t

know who I am as a (Self) and what do I want, and

what is required from me and what could make me happy! Then when I miss a movie

screening, I get depressed Or if I wanted my husband to take me

on a honeymoon cruise trip and we didn't do that, it will cause a fight during the honeymoon,

Why? Because of feelings of psychological emptiness that makes me wait for a slight push

to become psychologically exhausted So “General ignorance” pertains

to understanding who you are? What is your role?

and what are your goals? How to spend your time?

This is general ignorance Specific ignorance is

ignorance in a specific issue What do I mean by this?! I have a problem where I always feel

that the place I sit in needs cleaning and is filled with germs.. You need a simple notice that germs

are not lethal and do not... and that you have germs inside

and around you, and your skin has germs... "What is this? Really?

I thought I was pure!” and so on… The Host: It's a very simple matter! Exactly… “I feel that Allah

will not accept my prayer” Specific ignorance... Read up on simple knowledge

from people of fiqh to know that you your

prayer will be accepted even if you doubted your ablution The Host: Obsessions! Dr Abdul Rahman:

You reminded me of something, there was a sister who used

to attend our weekly lessons... She’s not a Hijabi

and she works as a Bank Quality Manager She came once, twice, and on the third time

she took me aside after the lesson and said “Dr., I want to thank you for something”

I asked: What about? She replied: “First, for the sisters attending the sessions,

whom not a single one degraded me” Meaning “who are you to attend the session

without the hijab”!” I told her this is the norm

If they did not do that then they do not belong here this was the first thing... and the other: “You once mentioned a side info

that saved me from atheism” I asked: Really?! How?! She said: “I pray, and I leave home from the morning

having prayed Fajr…” Notice that she prays fajr -and this requires a pause-

Not wearing a hijab and prays fajr! We sometimes assume that some people

looking like that portray a negative persona Anyways... she goes to work wearing the uniform

high heels and what not She said: “When it's time

for Dhuhr prayer I go for wudu, so I take off my socks

and lift my legs into the sink.. and I feel embarrassed of my appearance

in front of my peers if someone was to enter….” She means her female peers

and how she will appear and the water and so on.. "So I combined all the

prayers when I got home... and started feeling guilty... Then I started thinking:

why is religion so difficult? It makes you feel guilty,

it is inconsiderate... She mentioned this and more

to the point whether God exists?!" The Host:Because…. Dr Abdul Rahman:Because of

a simple fiqh matter She said: "One day you said

that during winter you tell your daughters

to make wudu and wear their socks

to wipe over them so when they wake up

the next day for fajr prayer they don’t feel uncomfortable

because of the cold water!" I replied: Yes, I remember that! She said: "That day, I went back home

and searched if I can do that? I discovered a simple information about wiping over socks

that I didn’t know about, and I found out that this

simple piece of info nearly drove me to atheism

because I didn’t know that my religion permits wiping over my socks

from the morning till the following day" So I said to myself: Where ignorance

can lead a person to... with a simple piece of information! This takes us to the topic

of psychological disorders Yesterday, we said that ignorance

can lead to a weak character It can even develop

into psychological disorders How? We said that ignorance

is related to what? Fear… how? The human fears the unknown...

Frequently used examples: Why do we fear tomorrow?

Because we don’t know what lies in it... We fear exams as well! Why?

We don't know the questions I always joke and say that if

someone leaked the answers What will happen to our fear? The Host: Will it disappear?! Dr Abdul Rahman: No , it won’t,

but it would lessen It won’t disappear! Why? Because you still have the unknown

that they might find out and change the questions When could the fear go away? When you take the exam

and the results come out and you pass to the next academic year with a certainty that no

one will review your old files! As long as there is a bit of unknown

the fear will always exist Why are we afraid of living abroad?! Unknown! Why are we afraid of new experiences? Unknown! This is one of the things that makes people

afraid of taking a new step! The Host: Whether it is getting engaged for example

or marriage and so on, Dr Abdul Rahman: this is normal... all of this is normal fear When does this fear become abnormal?

When it stops you from taking action! I am afraid of the exam... normal fear

What do I do? I study! Abnormal fear: “What is this? What is going to happen?”

and so on!... and I spend the entire night wasting time,

without studying, several times... This fear would lead to what?! It would lead to fears that

would turn into phobias! How do we treat these phobias? Solving the issue from its roots,

which is the unknown! Understand that it’s simple,

know what you need to do, and take action Well, what if that wasn’t resolved?

Fears will turn into obsessions Persistent intrusive thoughts

“My lord won’t accept my prayers” So I repeat the prayer once, twice, thrice and I repeat the ablution once, twice, thrice!

and I wash my hand three, four, five, six times.. Why? I have this pressing thought

that things are not okay! Okay... and when this is unresolved,

it will lead me to anxiety! The Host: It’s evolving little by little Dr Abdul Rahman:It evolves into depression I start not wanting to go anywhere

that reminds me of my worries and makes me nervous so I withdraw and isolate myself! I don’t go anywhere with anyone

until I reach a state of depression and isolation This entire circle is a circle of ignorance! Which is ignorance - fear - obsessions - worry - depression To solve it entirely, what needs to be done? Cut it from its roots What is it? Ignorance!

Alright… is this talk enough? No.. You need to break it with

knowledge and then with action So that you fill the emptiness For as long as there is emptiness,

obsessions enter through this void! There is an important issue here People say: “Dr. how do you claim there is emptiness?! I work from 8 or 9 AM to 5 PM,

Where does this emptiness come from?” This is why we call it “psychological emptiness”

What do I mean? You might be working, but this -the brain- is busy thinking:

“Why didn’t the boss greet me when he passed by me?!... When they went for a coffee break

why didn’t they get me any?!” This means you are not busy…

You are “empty”! Technically you’re supposed to be so busy with work..

that ideas like these don’t cross your mind! The Host: You mean a busy mind not a busy body! Dr Abdul Rahman: we usually call it

“psychological emptiness” and I exemplify it with a simple analogy If you enter the grocery store,

there is the cashier who charges people and puts items in bags

and so on while watching a video clip

playing in front of him or a movie or anything! Dr Abdul Rahman: In your opinion,

is he busy or free? The Host: Definitely busy! Dr Abdul Rahman:

Busy… he is in fact very “empty” Why?! On his first day at work

one day, two, three it was a new skill

he was busy learning it! But after he got used to it,

done, he started practicing it The Host: Like a driver Dr Abdul Rahman: Just like the driver

who would take 15 minutes putting on his seatbelt in the beginning and adjusting the side mirrors,

but after that, he gets used to it Ask this cashier: “Did you see so-and-so

saying this-and-that?..” - “Yes I saw him” - “Did you see how he was treating me?!

Did you see this and that” -"I will show you”

Aren’t you supposed to be busy? No he is not busy, in fact he is free

And there are plenty of examples on this! Once I had a case that I always talk about

It was the case of a man wanting to divorce his wife or his wife wanted a divorce... why?

He was a neat freak overly obsessed with cleanliness to the point that if he found the dishes unwashed

and the laundry not done he would cause a huge problem with his wife

until he hit her one day So I told her: Look… let’s keep this short

Go to your parents house So that we see how will

he be like sitting alone He called me sounding crazy: “I can’t sit...

I am unable to” I told him: The problem is

from your side not hers! You have an obsession What do you do in life?

He said: “The usual” I said: What do you mean by usual?

He said: “The usual, I mean I go to work and...” I told him: We’re done. When you said this,

this means you’re an “empty” man There’s nothing keeping you busy!

You’re working routinely You don’t have what keeps you busy

He said: “So what do I do then?” I told him: Do you have anything

that might keep you busy? Volunteer work, etc.. He said: “Yes, there is a charity organization next to me”

I told him: Work at it! After a while he called and said:

“Dr. there is something weird! I’m coming back home not caring

if the jacket is not hanged at the right place and there are dishes

in the sink that I didn't wash! I am not myself” I told him: “Tell me, did anything new happen?” He paused then said:

“Oh right! I started volunteering at the charity organization” I told him: “And what are you doing?”

He said : “Not much, I help them... We visit poor people

who need clothes, who [...] etc..” I said: “Do you know what’s happening to you? Something inside you is telling you: You lame person You’re silly. There are people who can’t find anything to eat,

and you have a problem with unwashed dishes People can’t find something to wear

and you have a problem with an unironed suit!” and I always remember his “Aha” moment,

which was: “Ahhhh” His ignorance went away

Now he’s aware of the absurdity he was in! His wife returned, and life went on Basically: I, first and last, need to know

What am I ignorant of? and this will be today’s prescription! To write down your unknowns

that you feel are problematic sometimes Example: There is a lady so worried about her family!

You know what’s her unknown? “What will happen to me if they are gone? If I die what will happen to them? Is it possible that my husband

will marry another wife?! What will happen if I travel?” Do you see how many unknowns there are?

If I wrote them, placed them in front of me, and was able to deal with them

based on what we’ll talk about in Creationism, I claim that we will prevent ourselves

from a lot of psychological disorders just by going out of the circle of ignorance

to the circle of knowledge and action! The Host: So, this is today’s prescription

and we have to apply it? Dr Abdul Rahman: Bring a paper and a pen,

write down your unknowns about yourself, your fears and concerns, your priorities,

things you worry losing them If this was set for you at least

we’ll know how to diagnose it later and how to treat it in the coming sessions

when we talk about creationism in sha Allah The Host: Alright, In sha Allah I’ll be ready

when you come tomorrow Dr Abdul Rahman: You’re welcome The Host: Thank you Dr.