جلسات #مع_نفسي 21 ... المخلوقية والحاجة والألم واللذة - التعلق المرضي والتربية

Dr Abdul Rahman: Hello. The Host: Hello Doctor. Dr Abdul Rahman: Where did we stop last time? I remember saying

there is something we will talk about next session. The Host: Yes, we were talking about creationism and how it’s related to needs. Dr Abdul Rahman: We said it will take us to concepts like pain & pleasure & serenity. The Host: A big topic. Dr Abdul Rahman: Exactly, this session will definitely leave an

impact on yourself. The Host: May Allah aid us. Dr Abdul Rahman: Did you notice how I started with a stimulation,

alluding to the importance of this session? The Host: Yes, so I can focus. Dr Abdul Rahman: So you can focus. Tell me, what was the question? The Host: How much is Creationism related to Human needs? Dr Abdul Rahman: I have said: since I am a creation, I cannot be the Creator,

which means I am not eternal, Nor complete, then I am imperfect. Let’s take an example

When you buy a phone from a store, its battery is usually charged a bit.

When you open it, it’s charged. After you turn it on and use it for a while,

what will happen to the battery The Host: It will run out! Dr Abdul Rahman: It will run out, and will automatically send you

a notification to tell you “Please Charge me” by lighting up or pinging, etc. That’s similar to needs. If you are a creation, then you have needs.

These needs are in fact blessings, because if you weren’t notified about them,

the phone will shut down and cut you off from connecting

with the rest of the world, because it didn't tell you,

“I need to be charged”. We are like that, since I am a creation, then I have needs,

and since I have needs it will lead me to another need that some people find problematic. The Host: What? Dr Abdul Rahman: Since I have needs then I will feel pain.

Alright let's break this down: First, the fact that we are created means

we are needy and being needy is an imperfection,

and having needs will lead me to another fact. By the way, the concepts I’m talking about

are things we have to submit to, we have to submit to being creations with needs. As mentioned in the previous episode,

we now have a generation that thinks just because we reached outer space

or made some inventions, they now think we don’t have any needs.

No, you do have needs. Actually, your needs are growing.

We will talk about this later on, maybe when we talk expectations and possibilities Since I have needs, I will feel pain.

Need automatically leads to pain, why? We will give an example relating to the body

and one to the soul: What is hunger? The Host: The need to eat food. Dr Abdul Rahman: The scientific definition: A feeling of pain and discomfort.

It’s a feeling of pain, but due to our extravagance and gluttony,

we do not wait until we feel the pain. When the pain of hunger is mentioned, who do we remember?

The Somalis and those in famine. The Host: Right. Dr Abdul Rahman: In reality, you and I do not wait to feel the pain of hunger

before grabbing a bite. The Host: Of course not. Dr Abdul Rahman: We eat because we want to!

We eat because it’s time to eat, We eat because we can’t have a gathering without food! When actually hunger is pain, thirst is pain. This pain is contrasted with pleasure.

The pain of hunger is contrasted with the pleasure of what? The Host: Food? Dr Abdul Rahman: Fullness! To get the pleasure of being full,

you need to have food. The pain of thirst is contrasted with the pleasure of drinking,

What do you need? Water or a liquid. By the way, since we mentioned water, there is a study

by the World Health Organisation that says 70% of people don’t drink water, what do they drink instead? Soda, Nescafe, Coffee etc. The Host: They live without drinking water? Dr Abdul Rahman: Imagine! Because they are used to having flavoured drinks,

even though water is easily accessible. We reached a point where we don’t accept water

because it’s flavourless. But isn't water supposed to be flavourless!

Look how much our innate instincts and dispositions have been distorted, to a point where we exchange

what is good for what is worse So again, needs are related to pain and

we gave a physical example, hunger, thirst etc. A spiritual example: The need to have company

which is contrasted with the pain of loneliness. Companionship is the pleasure, what do you need for it?

People, social media, good company etc Another need: The need for knowledge,

is contrasted with the pain of ignorance. Pleasure: Knowledge. How do you obtain it?

Reading, seeking knowledge, etc. The need for freedom,

is contrasted with the pain of slavery. Pleasure: Freedom. How do you obtain it?

To seek to free yourself etc. We come to the biggest need: the need to worship.

It’s contrasted with the pain of losing connection with Allah. Feeling lonely. Not loneliness. The aspect of being estranged from yourself,

being dissatisfied with yourself in spite of having everything, but you feel dissatisfied, why? Because you lost the true connection to Allah SWT. What is the pleasure you need here?

Connection with Allah. How do you obtain it?

To communicate, reach out, you need to pray. So every pain is contrasted with pleasure.

If we understood this point, we will understand how life works. What motivates a person to get out of bed every morning?

Averting pain and seeking pleasure, how? What makes him leave the warmth of his bed and get up?

He’s averting pain, the pain of what? The pain of poverty, earning a living, or missing a prayer’s reward.

Pushing pain and in return seeking pleasure. Alternatively, I ask people in my lectures what

made them attend? Averting pain and seeking pleasure:

Averting the pain of ignorance and psychological illness, and seeking the pleasure of knowledge

and psychological well-being, clear? What makes us sit together for these sessions?

While I am supposed to be sitting with my wife and kids and you with your family.

To avert pain and seek pleasure. You might tell me: Alright Doctor, I can understand how this

applies to me but what pain are you averting? What do you think? I will let you think about it.

What pain am I averting? The Host: The pain of seeing people around you suffering from

psychological disorders and feeling their distance from our Lord. Dr Abdul Rahman: This aspect is a bit advanced that makes me look prestigious.

You are not entirely wrong, but my pain is more basic. The Host: You feel estranged. Dr Abdul Rahman: That’s a bit advanced too. Look sir, I’m averting the pain

of not leaving my mark in life. The Host: How? Dr Abdul Rahman: It’s a pain, a feeling that I did not contribute anything, I did not contribute my knowledge,

that my existence means nothing. Do you remember when we talked about existentialism and character?

It’s a pain contrasted with pleasure. The pleasure of existing in this world

and being a trustee on this Earth. The pleasure of drawing a smile on someone’s face, And here I mention what you said

about sharing knowledge with people, etc. Every pain is contrasted with pleasure. Where is the problem? That many people deny the

fact that the world is built around these two factors: Pain and pleasure,

and this will bring us to the problem of evil! “Why did Allah create evil?”

Every evil is a form of pain. Notice most of those who ask about evil, wonder:

Why did Allah take my father in Rabaa? Why are there children born with cancer?

What is the children's fault for dying in Syria? Their questions about evil are connected to what?

Pain. If people would understand that life is built

on the duality of pleasure and pain, they would be much more relieved. Another concept related to this remains, if understood, we would be relieved: Dunya is not free from pain, yet it is upon ourselves to

to choose which pain is worth bearing, clear? The Host: Clear. Dr Abdul Rahman: We all suffer, I have a picture which I ordered

from a designer and I wanted to bring it along On the right side of the portrait is an overweight individual

relaxing on the couch with a remote control in hand, and home delivered pizza. And on the left side is a physically fit individual

playing sports with signs of sweat and fatigue, and the words on the top right read: Comfort = Exhaustion

and on the top left: Exhaustion = Comfort Get it? The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: The individual on the right believes he is comfortable,

but in reality he is exhausted and will feel the effect later, when he can’t go to the bathroom

without the help of two or three people! Once a patient visited my clinic and he had to walk sideways

to fit through the door, Yes! He could not enter normally. The same overweight individual would say to the athlete:

“What are you doing to yourself! Why don’t you relax?” The athlete replies with a smile: “I’m OK, worry about yourself” Although his path involves some exhaustion,

but ultimately it leads to true comfort. If that was understood, we would truly realise

that all the discomfort in this earthly world, does not compare to the rewards

of the hereafter, nothing at all. Even before the rewards of the hereafter,

the rewards of today. All this effort will subside,

but we need to know that after pain, ease will follow. I am going to delve into an important topic

related to pain and pleasure and it is clear that the aspect of need, pain, pleasure,

and comfort will require an additional session so bear with me for a while The Host: Alright. Dr Abdul Rahman: When someone asks a question like:

“What is the child's fault for getting killed in Syria or in Egypt or elsewhere?”

There is a fallacy in the question itself! The question asked is based on a false assumption:

That a child needs to be guilty in order to get killed. Who dictated that?

Do we not say: Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return? Meaning that we belong to Allah. He does what he wants,

whether he takes me in an accident, a car crash, with rockets falling on a house, virus, or cancer, etc.

I belong to Allah, and He takes me the way He wants! It is not my position to say:

"No, Allah, take me the way I want. Let me die at 90 years old on my deathbed,

removing my soul like a water drop flowing from a vessel.” No! No! I am not God! I am a slave,

so my duty is to deal with the universal laws and to deal with psychological tragedies

with a sense of serenity. Whereas assuming that life is some sort of

a Hollywood story, where the child is born cute with teddy bear pictures and what not! Then he grows a little and goes to nursery

and grows to become a teenager and then isolates himself, commits to a relationship with his girlfriend

without the parents knowing. Who said this is the natural sequence of a boy’s life?

Who said that? “Hollywood”? So what? Who said that the child

should live to be 90 years old? Is it not possible for the child to live for only 2 years? The Host: That’s right. Dr Abdul Rahman: This will take us to the aspect of submission.

Therefore, imagine if this aspect was understood. One day I was giving a course and said

“I was in a city and my wife and kids were in another city…” I was simply saying:

“In the case Allah prolonged my life and allowed me to go back and see my daughters

and kiss them to sleep” One of the attendees raised her hand and said:

"One moment doctor, can we go back a little?” I replied: “What?”

She said: “What did you say?” I replied: “To go back”

She said: “ No, you said-” I replied: “When I said in the case Allah prolonged my life?”

She said: “Yes, do you think Allah will not prolong your life?” I replied: “Do you think Allah has to

prolong my life? That is wishful thinking!” She said: “And are you mentally prepared for the

possibility of never seeing your wife or kids? I replied: “Of course!” The Host: This is a difficult subject. Dr Abdul Rahman: It’s difficult but it’s right. Exercising is difficult, it’s hard to sweat, but it’s right.

The lazy man is in the wrong. The Host: Alright, how can I reach that stage? Dr Abdul Rahman: We will talk about this in Purification and Cultivation, but we need to know that wishful thinking

is what is exhausting us. Let me tell you something that might be a bit difficult.

When my daughter Maryam was born, I told my wife: “Look at Maryam, Allah can take her away from us at any moment” The Host: Bluntly! Dr Abdul Rahman: She said: “But Abdul Rahman, let us at least

enjoy the moment for a while!” I told her: “No, in fact for us to enjoy every moment

we need to be prepared for losing her at any moment” What do we do instead?

“May Allah make her live long” "May Allah allow you to witness her wedding”,

and we anticipate happiness after 30 years, until then we are miserable every day.

"Let’s go you stupid girl. Did you get that degree,

your grades, scores , your bed, etc” People please, be happy every day.

We have a motto in Islam: "If you are alive in the morning, do not expect to be alive till the evening

If you are alive in the evening, do not expect to be alive till the morning” With this motto, I live everyday filled with happiness with my daughters.

I do not expect the morning sun to come tomorrow. If we reflect on this concept, we will understand that

we can be happy with life without going into misery. It seems that we need to spend more time

talking about pain and pleasure. We shall continue tomorrow if you allow me. The Host: In sha Allah. Dr Abdul Rahman: We will see you tomorrow in sha Allah and will continue

talking about pain and pleasure and how it’s related to serenity. It's very important,

so see you tomorrow in sha Allah. The Host: Thank you Doctor. Dr Abdul Rahman: Welcome.