From Grooming to Discard via Shared Fantasy: Cheat, Mortify, Exit

my name is Savannah and I'm the author of malignant sunflower narcissism revisited when the narcissus first comes across a potential mate a possible source of narcissistic supply the narcissist assumes the role of a strict or stents ibly benevolent but sadistic parent it's a kind of tough love I'm going to discipline you I'm gonna put you in your place and we're gonna be happy ever after but then he begins to undulate he begins to cycle from this strict disciplinarian parent to a hurt damaged wounded petulant entitled self-centered and sadistic child it's very disorienting you start to date a narcissist who is parental who is very serious who is very accomplished who is you know in control of everything finances decision-making and then suddenly there is this unnerving multiple personality like transition to a child a not only child but a spoiled brat as a parent the narcissist is having sadistic incest incest as a child the narcissist is having masochistic incest but in both cases he is having ins incest he's sleeping with his mother and I'm talking in this video about the mail narcissist the male heterosexual gnosis but he equally applies to a female narcissist or to a homosexual narcissists lesbian and and so on this dynamic is universal he only need to change the pronouns of the person involved and the parental figure so a female offices would react this way to her father figure she would have daddy issues but this is a crucial insight relationships were relationship a romantic relationship so-called romantic an intimate relationship so-called intimate with the narcissist is a relationship with his parental figures it is incest and the narcissus reacts to this incest as any child or father would approach avoidance feeling guilty feeling ashamed rebelling being defined and punishing you for making him do it you because of your sexual irresistibility or because you provide him with some psychological needs or because you cater to his to his insatiable desire for narcissistic supply or because you just later he happened to be there you need to be punished because they did not mean for you he would have not done he would have not engaged in this highly forbidden behavior this is his bed incest is wrong he says proves to the narcissist that he is the unworthy corrupted decadent evil object that he had been told these in early childhood and the inevitable cheating by the partner which were going to discuss a bit later this cheating punishes the parent in the narcissist it's like the defiant act of a teenager and at the same time it modifies the child because it engenders enormous tsunami tsunamis of abandonment anxiety the child feels overwhelmed at risk of a of being left alone and ironically this multiplication disadvantage in this punishment they foster personal development and growth in the novices as well as creative spurts losses react to such crisis by actually evolving and growing it is an open question whether actually whether Nazis don't initiate maybe maybe they initiate these crises maybe they want to be in this situation because these are the only windows of opportunity for growth for development for creativity maybe the last this is dead in between these crises maybe he's a zombie maybe suspended animation and only at these moments of crisis when his partner cheats on him absconds with another men abuses him in some way some meaningful some substantial fundamental way maybe early then the narcissist sort of wakes up like the sleeping non-beauty that is he wakes up in in eyes the world and the true looks of the world through the eyes of a child a wandering child it's maybe maybe these are the only moments that the narcissist is actually alive and he needs these moments and he's driving his partner inexorably to provide him with such moments in the narcissist relationships of all kinds romantic relationships business trips so-called friendships there are five phases in all all relationships grooming shared fantasy interstitial one with two options exit or persist modification or anti fantasy and interstitial two and discuss each of these phases at length we have dwelt upon these some of these phases I joined up on some of these phases in previous videos for example shared fantasy is explored in several readings but today I'm going to discuss them much more deeply and gonna tie all the loose ends now my advice to you is listen well rewind if you have to time and again listen we'll take notes position yourself in one of the sub sub elements of this cycle because if you are able to position yourself properly you will be able to predict the future you'll be able to foretell the narcissus conduct his choices his decisions and you'll be able to design pre-emptive coping strategies so finding yourself finding a relationship finding your interaction with the narcissist within this cycle is of crucial importance to you so a few observations before we go into the cycle research in the grooming race the novices lies he makes false promises for example if it's a woman he will make false promises for a committed relationship why does he lie if it's a business he would make promises you know to deliver some mega-deal or his contacts in Tokyo but what we do like he would like he lies in order to acquire a partner for the shirt fantasy and this patter fulfills several functions an admirer playmate in a mother or a father in this partner is to provide the three SS sex supply and services in the case of a woman and the narcissist expects his woman to provide these three essence in highly specific ways for example when it comes to sex most narcissists are kinky they expect kinky sex or even sadistic sex we're going to discuss all this a bit later we're in the stage of making observations sharing some observations sharing some observations with you before we we delve before we dive scuba dive into the the narcissist cycle of relationship and so when the woman starts to ask for the pledged commitment for the intimacy that she had been promised the novices withdraws and abuses he'll he had lied but when someone tries to catch the check he becomes abusive and so said and mad the woman usually reacts by triangulating and by misbehaving with men and then the narcissist the sex between the partners becomes conventional and the narcissists can even develop symptoms like erectile dysfunction at any rate he begins to defect he begins to withdraw whatever emotional investment he had put into the relationship he begins to be absent and cold and detached and scheming and calculating you can see it in his eyes he becomes a lot more psychopathic and then he withdraws the sex so there's emotional absence sex withdrawal and abuse and this is essentially the sequence false promises which are very convincing and create a shared psychosis if you wish definitely a shared fantasy then the partner comes tries to cash the check tries to have the four promises fulfilled gnosis gets very angry very abusive becomes emotionally absent withdraws the sex and so on the woman feels rejected and abandoned and she cheese the majority of women end up cheating or in the very least misbehaving with men and sometimes she even sheets with the narcissists knowledge the encouragement as a way to get rid of her presence and demands even even if the Nazis and the woman continue to cohabit and we come to this variant a bit later is it's not a common parent but it exists so analysis uses women for gratification as sources of supply as slaves to provide services and as sex toys in immature sadistic ways we need the grooming and shared fantasy phases the woman must become an infatuated admirer in order to give the dog this is the power to statistically hurt an abuser after this phase this stage of this part of observations within the video I'm going to go into the most intricate details of the cycle where you will be able to position yourself so bear with me listen to the observations until we get to the cycle as a playmate the woman must act as an extreme sex emotional submissive masochist as the narcissist tortures psychologically and degrades her physically yummy the shared fantasy revolves around love companionship these are mislabeled of course the narcissist labels for example his gratification at receiving narcissistic supplying coupled with his abandonment anxiety equals this love when he does things together with with his mate with his spouse with his partner these things are usually dictated by the gnosis is an office agenda it's what the Nazis wants to do but he calls it companionship there's a lot of mislabelling going on and it's it's all founded on excruciating and agonizing pain and with hoping the woman proves her devotion to the losses by accepting such suffering mindlessly application point is Minnie the woman secures announces his presence in her life by getting him addicted to both narcissistic and sadistic supply and in such a reciprocal there is sick arrangement it is there that the nurses feel safe calm elated intoxicated by his own credulity the partner is withering in shriveling and dying writhing on the floor reduced to her former to reduce to to a shell and a shadow of her former self and at the same time the narcissist thrives he his radiance his vital it's because of these that people say that Nazis are like vampires they take away your vitality but when this losses needle needs all this secretest and convoluted arrangements why does it have to not just go straight the choirs a source get on with it the main reason is sex the narcissist is not made for casual sex contra to a lot of misinformation online men who engage in casual sex and one-night stands habitually a psychopaths in psychopathic narcissists not gnosis gnosis is not made for casual for casual sex because casual sex is very not statistically injurious it doesn't allow the masses to express his grandiosity his dominance at the end of the casual sex is discarded and narcissus recoiled from unabashedly promiscuous women the kind of women who would participate in casual sex would initiate it these kind of women don't fit in well in a shared fantasy because if they're promiscuous the challenge is uniqueness if they've had like 20 men before him or 200 men before the gnosis is just a number a statistic is just one of many men is indistinguishable from previous men and future men in this woman in this woman's life so promiscuous women don't sit well with analysis these women also much likely to cheat because to them sex is meaningless they're impulsive and disinhibited and usually broken and damaged to some extent so narcissus Shannon and avoid promiscuous women again psychopaths and psychopathic Nazi seek promiscuous women for reasons which I will deal with in another video but the narcissus also while avoiding casual sex while shunning decrying the writing impair promiscuous women as [ __ ] yep is not gonna be with a [ __ ] at the same time the gnosis is not cut for a love affair or for a full-fledged and committed loving relationship for a million reasons starting with his psychology but also he doesn't over to court he is born by women and there's an underlying current usually of misogyny woman hatred so he's bored with women he doesn't have a good time with him he doesn't want to do he he thinks that small talk with women or getting to know women know also is a waste of his time he is interested only in the three incidents in companionship and childlike sex and fun and he wants it now similar to the psychopath nos is his also have a problem with delayed gratification with investing now to reap in the future they want everything now and they want it without any commensurate investment or effort because they are entitled so to secure a partner the narcissus must pretend that he's interested in a long-term committed adultery leash just to get women to date he let alone sleep with him and so for example and take the fact that narcissus insist on sexual exclusivity when they kind of spot a promising source of narcissistic supply a woman who can fit in and provide the three assets one of the first things the nurses would discuss with her his sexual exclusivity your mind you know but sexual exclusivity is a whole bar it is a sign of a committed serious long-term relationship it's a signal the narcissus is sending the signal early on implying sometimes without saying it explicitly that is serious but even so the narcissus is not willing to court women because wing wing' and courting is tedious adult behavior and he is a child also in women in courting them will undermine the shirt fantasy in which the narcissus is forever a child Peter Pan we according having to court having to invest in the woman having to spend time with her having to listen to her stories having to desire her openly having to give her compliments of an having to open doors for her tech waiver code buy her gifts in inquire as to her whereabouts and all this massive investment of time and effort and attention in and diversion of resources much more productive users is all these also negates the narcissist grandiose entitlement you see the gnosis things that is so irresistible he resists ibly unique and so uniquely irresistible that women should fall at his feet and be he should not have to work for what is his by right women should realize what a treasure is how cosmical is significant and what a rare a rare gem and they should caught him not the other way women we expect to be courted or would or actually expect anything else from the narcissist women who let alone if they make it a condition for their availability these kind of women infuriate him they threaten the cohesiveness of his false self and he reacts with unbridled aggression and egregious abuse to such demands in this deception the shared fantasy backfires in the interstitial phase when women try as I said to catch the check they come to the nurses and say what you promised us this you promised us that a committed relationship intimacy children home family you know cohabitation something when they try to cash a check it leads to acrimonious breakups brought on by cheating usually the woman's cheating and by heartbreak and to summarize the narcissus is not interested in women at all he just uses sex and love bombing to secure a woman any woman would do they all the same dispensable interchangeable he is not looking for women he's looking for what women can give him by the way is not looking for for any kind of relationship is not looking for friendship ISM is he is a taker he he is just interested in what he can get out the providers of services the providers of goods the providers of anything that he set his mind to these providers are transparent two-dimensional and discardable they are dispensable and so he creates the shed fantasy not because he's in love with a woman were infatuated with her can't live without her finds her irresistible or fell in love he creates a [ __ ] fantasy crazy [ __ ] fantasy because within the shared fantasy is able to optimally extract the three ss6 supplying services still the narcissists most losses are not stupid so any anticipates the interstitial phase anticipates the end of the shed funded the anticipates the ante fantasy culminating in cheating in abandonment by doom so he keeps a relationship provisional then very often transitions to sexlessness and always this is an ambient this an atmosphere in the relationship oh it's about to fall apart it's like on the edge on the ledge on the verge the Earth's it's teetering it's it's a house of cards it's uncommitted it's uninvolved there's always this feeling even if you've spent 20 years with analysis or 40 years in losses you have this feeling every single day of the relationship or so-called relationship because you are in a relationship for him he is generally in a relationship for what you can give and one day maybe there are things he won't be able to provide anymore at that moment your history so let's go into the cycle I'm going to describe the cycling in very great detail and I urge you when advised you to position yourself in each of the sub in one of the sub phases so that you know what's coming this cycle is ineluctable a follows be follow see it's never changing it's identical in all the narcissus relationships forever novices may mislead you it is very misleading this is a inveterate liar not liar but confabulate psychopathy is an inveterate liar the psychopathic narcissist is an inveterate liar and their lies and deceptions are built in a way that is very difficult to detect because they always contain a kernel of truth they are constructed around the kernel of truth and people want to believe other people it's called the base rate fallacy they want to believe other people and so they want to believe the narcissist in the Psychopaths people are malignant optimists and so listen well this is the cycle it starts with a grooming face the rod of the partner at this stage is strictly as an admirer to attract the narcissus to start grooming her the woman needs to be an admirer she needs to be eligible for a shared fantasy she should for example know who the narcissist is she should shrug show signs of being able and willing to provide supply including admiration in sex so she should displayed evident and offered signs of infatuation or admiration or adulation for gratitude so anything that builds up the narcissus grandiosity is an indication that she's a good source and eligible for grooming in the grooming and love-bomb bigger intended to achieve 10 goals you can identify yourself if you are part of a message okay ever has maybe you have ever been exposed to losses even in the workplace environment you can immediately identify these signs so 10 goals number one to establish mastery a power matrix power hierarchy and an external locus of control number two to mold the woman the partner into a mindless and obedient essentially slot Oh number three to become the woman's natural revulsion and anxiety by habituating her in co-opting or hijacking a fantasy life number four to expose the woman to brainwashing message in signalling number five to isolate the woman from her family in social networks and number six to push the woman to dismantle the boundaries abrogated values and morals inviolate her own rules of conduct number seven to signal the intensity and persistence of the interlocutors or correspondence of sensible emotions and to chart and document the growing or pervasive attachments fake attachment of course number eight richer signaling to convey the purity and authenticity as well as the good intentions of the love bomba number nine gas lighting to engender foster and imposed on the target an immersive virtual reality bar within which a cult-like shared fantasy or shared psychosis is established and takes hold in number 10 to induce the target to enter the Hall of Mirrors where she is idealized and she becomes infatuated with her own rendition with the way she looks with the way she appears in the mirrors it's an addictive experience which results in operant conditioning when the woman sees herself as the narcissist Cesar totally ideal perfect brilliant irresistible drop-dead gorgeous stunning etc etc she herself gets infatuated with herself she becomes infatuated with her sub she falls in love with resort and it's it for many women's is a first experience of self-love and it's very addictive it grunts a love bumper with the power to withhold access to this contraption as a way to modify the targets behavior and this is called intermittent reinforcement you don't behave I will deny you access to my Hall of Mirrors where you can see yourself it's it's Gnosticism by proxy it's contagious narcissism the woman sees herself in the Hall of Mirrors the same way narcissus the mythological youth saw himself in the pond and fell in love with himself she falls in love with herself but but there's a keeper of the mirrors and this keeper is the key and you have to believe to be granted access to this whole of me now I dedicated a whole video to love pumping and grooming and if you want more about this topic you can watch this video so put together these create a shared psychotic space I'm saying psychotic because it has no reality testing it's not real it's delusional these fictitious it's like a movie and so within this shed psychotic space the shared fantasy thrives on false promises and false premises and there's a make-believe roleplay of both parties it takes two to tango it takes two to tangle the roleplay is of both parties the difference is that the partners roleplay is dictated by the novices it's a kind of emergent from play but dictated by the narcissist and the gnosis is from play is determined by the nas the narcissism control of their own play so let's move on from the grooming phrase to the shirt fantasy phase this phase involves infatuation continued love for me the honeymoon period and the sexuality in this phase is usually sadistic humiliation King and there is sexual exclusivity is a condition losses the dis stage of shared fantasy demands sexual intrusive et the role of a partner in this phase is a playmate and so in the first encounters the narcissist assumes the role as I said over strict ostensibly benevolent but sadistic parent he provides tough love but then suddenly shockingly abruptly unexpectedly nightmarishly he transitions and becomes a wounded hurt petulant entitled self-centered and sadistic challenge a really evil bed spoiled brat like Henry James's stories as a parent the narcissistic having sadistic incest with his bubble as a child is having masochistic incest and so the inevitable cheating by the partner punishes the parent elements and modifies the child and as I said before it pushes the Nazis to evolve to gain insight to develop his Arrested Development is no longer arrested he grows big and is even creative in this period so for the shed fantasy to subsist and to exist both parties must lie to themselves the partner must lied to her so that the narcissist means what he says that he is every intention of carrying out his promises and that he is not maybe a narcissist or a liar or if he is a bad guy or if he is a damaged guy or even if he is a narcissist she will be the one to fix him it's a malignant optimism it is the Messiah Savior complex inverted usually women are looking some types of women borderline for example they are looking for Messiah protectors Savior types but in a [ __ ] fantasy it is a woman that assumes this room it's a maternal role Janna and she says with my love with my acceptance with a warmth that I provide with the home that I will build for you I will make him feel so safe I'll make him fields I will solve his wounds I will heal and we cured him and he will be able to love me so it's a Savior Messiah and the narcissist also participates in this charade by intentionally suspecting judgment he renders himself knowingly and intentionally gullible and delusional but he limits his gullibility and delusion allottee only to certain elements the profile of a partner her emotions towards him the intimacy they ostensibly had her capacity an intent to hurt him to abandon him her misbehavior with other men her cheating he overlooks this in the nature and intensity of their relationship so in all these elements he on purpose turns a blind eye or pretends to be stupid or gullible so he allowed the he allows his partner in this case the woman in the romantic relationship romantic heterosexual relationship he allows the woman to pull the wool over his eyes to deceive him to manipulate him to play with him but make no mistake he knows what's happening he's just allowing it he's allowing it he says it's like he saying to himself okay better to live in a dream which I know is not real but then to wake up to reality its escapism it's it's a way it's his way to escape reality this way to suspend what had become intolerable in unburn the islam is a shared fantasy is any spark of life left the narcissist engages in confirmation bias confirmation bias is when we ignore disregard suppress or even counter information the challenges our perceptions challenges our prejudices challenges what we think we know so this is called confirmation bias we create a silo silo an echo chamber with like-minded people and we hear only what we want to hear so narcissism assured fantasy create copy experiences confirmation bias in the confirmation bias supports is grandiosity and the idealization of the maternal safe base aspects of his partner in other words the narcissist convinces himself that the partner will not hurt him will not abandon him will not act against his best interests but not compromising would not be trained and this is called safe base now when the child in a stage called separation individuation when the child begins to notice the world you know he lets go of money any he wonders he he walks he ventures into the world but then he panics because he perceives this is abandonment as though by leaving mummy by letting go of mummy he actually will never see her again so he runs back to mommy and hugs her legs you know so she is a maternal safe space the she allows the child to experience him to explore the world safely because she's always there waiting for him whatever he does she's not going to be angry at him she's going to punish him for walking away for leaving her for a few minutes she's going to let him exercise his grandiosity in effect because children explore the world find a grandiosity the world is very risky very dangerous very unknown you have to be grandiose to explore it so the child leverages his grandiosity to explore the world knowing full well that Mommy is behind him waiting as stable as a pillar is safe and is loving as any and the largest partner provides this material safe base and the novices idealizes her as a mother and so she becomes in his mind a safe base someone who will not punish him and hurt him if if he explores the world or when he explores the world by the way including explore other women so it's like the Naza ceases you're my mother and I trust you as as a mother but to do this he needs to filter out to ignore to suppress and to deny a lot of information sometimes he needs to ignore overt blatant Ostin TSgt just to maintain this illusion or delusion of a safe base and this filtering out and denying of cultivating information leads to suppression of evidence to the contrary including cheating evidence will complete a bit late so the narcissist idealizes up to allow her to perform her roles within the shed fantasy and he also makes use of other defense mechanisms infantile defense mechanisms for example splitting or wood or bed black and white dichotomous thinking so he converts his partner into an all wood object the rest of the world is all bad his partner is on good Madonna [ __ ] complex this affects the sex at some stage because if she's on good she saintly she's a divine figure and you don't have sex with divine figures unless they look really good so splitting denial I mentioned confirmation bias homage he also assumes the role of a rescuer or a wizard someone who will solve all problems provide life transforming insights if he if you please the Guru take her by the hand and that is the paternal side that his father side you see the problem with narcissists is this unbelievable admixture this cocktail concoction indescribable solution of chemicals you know he is a father one minute didn't child the next minute he once once the woman to be a mother provide a safe base but then he becomes her father and he tells her what to do she's provides her with with penetrating insight psychological insight about herself he rescue hers he provides support and support however simulated and immediately after that he engages in magical thinking and he says if I just think about it I'm going to help her and heal her so why is she bothering me I just need to think she doesn't need to bother me it's efficient it's unreal kaleidoscopic confusing medley myths add to this that most narcissists have something called the wunderkind mask I'm a genius so most narcissists are not open to learning not open to improvement or change they don't evolve the development had been arrested in this stuck at a mental age typically of 4 or 6 years old it's like living with a 4 or 6 years old in an adult body and of course the grandiosity but even so they the gnosis is functions this way only for as long as the relationship remains in the safe and unreal realms of shared fantasy role-playing gaming it's a video game and here last is to himself and he doesn't feel threatened because it is like virtual reality you know by converting it into a fantasy or a delusion or a video game the gnosis is actually saying I can play this game safely because if unified Luis there were repercussions then outcomes in the real world it's not real it's a bubble the Shedd fantasy love the gnosis is to avoid through intimacy true commitment because it's a dream and he sharks Hyup he avoids abrogates his other responsibilities and chores you see he gets companionship he gets six he gets fun but invests only the minimum necessary to maintain this shirt fantasy going and by shutting intimacy he also avoids being exposed as the fraud that is because when you're intimate with someone intimacy is founded on true information you can have fake intimacy someone can come to you and share an amazing life story with you and describe their relationship and it's all fake it's all false never happen you would steal you would still have intimacy with that person but it would be one-sided intimacy he by lying knows that the intimacy is fake wrong you don't so that's also possible but the narcissus doesn't go even for this he shuns intimacy he appointed completely why because he has this impostor syndrome this feeling that he's a fraud that is a house of cards Potemkin village not real not fully real kind of invention an animated cartoon character a video game game character with a fool and he's afraid that if you get too close he's gonna be pixelated when you get too close to him he suddenly disorders and disintegrates into numerous points so he's afraid of them so he keeps dissing kind of an invisible firewall surrounding the narcissus you keep keep feeling that you can't really get to him that there's something blocking access and the narcissus is where items is an eternal adolescent turn around and he's a dysfunctional non man because he has disrupted gender differentiation cause he never grew never grew up he never you know you never exceeded the mental age of 4 or 6 were gender is not a very clear construct so his problems with gender his problem with mental age is problem with emotions because he has other less at best and best adolescent emotions usually not even this he is dysfunctional who he doesn't want his partner to know this so he keeps his he keeps this invisible barrier it's like the Stephen King story they were like you pop the dome you bump against this invisible thing and you can't exit you see the gnosis is behind the veil behind the glass darkly you see nothing and you want to reach out to him because many narcissists are really really cute they're really lovable and you you and you see the child in the narcissist and you want to reach out to the child they want to have the child nurture the child but there's this invisible shimmering surface between you and human and it's a surface that the narcissus constructive maintains assiduously for fear of being exposed and sicknesses is a conviction that he's not lovable as ease that if anyone gets to see the real him they will adaptive instantly and with shock and revulsion he's afraid afraid to be truthful and sometimes the narcissus the married narcissus uses his marital status as a protective shield in addition to this instinctive shield or reflective you so there's this shield met you don't get near me don't touch me don't get too close don't have don't invade my my territory and then there's a second shield the married married it's a protective stance and it's an excuse to not get too committed involved or present even when the gnosis is a lot of fear the fantasy phase feels to the narcissist like a role-playing game like a movie set the narcissus is an actor following an unpredictable thrilling unfolding script or most narcissists especially the anti-social ones most narcissists are novelty seeking they engage in risky recklessness and in this sense they are very similar to Psychopaths so the last session is showed in the shirt fantasy face is a child in a sandbox is playing with animate toys you you are an animated toy in a theme park adventure it's real you're here at theme park attraction you're an attraction you're interaction he wants to ride you like a roller coaster and I'm not talking only about six the narcissus shuns anything remotely others many narcissus don't drive deliver driving license some men even don't have children don't pay taxes don't don't own real estate homes don't buy gifts these are things others do they want to grow up there P depends they depend openly says in the book I strongly strongly advise you to reread Peter Pan by Barry Peter Pan the work of fiction ostensibly allegedly is actually the best description ever of the inner workings of the mind of the narcissist and what he does to women who love him tinker loves him then Wendy loves him see what he does to these women they love you in different ways Wendy facilitates coops collab concludes in the shed fantasy Tinker is a no-nonsense down to earth fairy supposed to be ephemeral an immaterial but she's much more real than Wendy she is much more real because she knows her boundaries she knows exactly what she wants she wants a men and very early on in the book tinker realizes a bit of medicine is anything but not a man and so the nurses is lies about everything all the time especially about himself but he doesn't perceive these as lies he perceive these as probable or plausible compensations for dissociative gaps and we call this confabulation and he does this in order to avoid intimacy to avoid commitment of course if it's a psychopathic narcissist sadistic narcissist or psychopath they lie they knowingly advertently intentionally and in a planned manner life in one of the main reasons for this is to withhold intimacy and to undo undermine any commitment and this is why the shared fantasy flourishes mainly in trips on traits implications daily life can never amount to shared fantasy fully because it is demanding it exposes the narcissist it inexorably leads to the interstitial phase in the anti fantasy soul as discrete vacation like holiday like trip or traveling like bubbles or spaces so if they give a relationship they would construct it in a way that would look much more like spending time in a holiday together holiday destination vacation destination staycation in Jewish but it's critical to understand that the [ __ ] fantasy is the partners safe base for the narcissist NASA sees the shared fantasy is the reification the embodiment the personification of the maternal role of self be safe mates why because it's a fantasy it feels safe because it is not real the fetish a trapeze includes elements such as intermittent sex fun companionship supply adventure easy money easy gifts loss this is by the way return different gifts of money as love being cared for what mothers do they give gifts they give money it's a maternal knowledge but all these elements are cooking em exist in the shed fantasy but it's still an dream it's still a bit like dreaming these things because it's not real it's totally safe because it's safe it allows the narcissist gives the novices the energy to explore the world Malthus is very alive at this stage is he feels if he is resuscitated if he is resurrected like Frankenstein no it's like the electricity of [ __ ] fantasy go streams through her trees either to moribund body and him he gets up he wakes up yeah you can see the seams you can see the different parts it's almost falling apart but it's alive its a golem it walks it stalks the partners shared fantasy usually revolves around marriage children home being an intimate couple doing something together and so the shed fantasy of the partner at the shelf at civilizations not see it is this discrepancy this disagreement but the nature of the shale fantasy that undoes it this is the root of its undoing but it's critical to understand that both parties the narcissist and his intimate partner both of them agree to share a fantasy it's not let the partner says this is not a fantasy this is reality and analysis is not it's not reality it's a fantasy no they both agree to create a fantasy each 4/4 is his or her own reasons they both seek to evade reality they both construct a space where they feel hopeful where they feel fulfilled and when they can look forward to the future then it's fantastic space they both knew it but the partner believes that she can introduce elements into the fantasy like children for marriage homo doing something together whatever traveling she she believed she can introduce elements to the fantasy that would not undermine the fantastic nature of the shared space while the Nazis disagrees it thinks that if you introduced to the shirt fantasy pedestrian routine average common elements like for example owning a home getting married having children it undermines the very fantastic nature of the space he believes the fantasy is everything that is not adopt this is the core disagreement with the partner then both of them the public and the narcissist agreed to create a fantasy but the partner says let's create an adult fantasy wow that sounds good let's create an adult fantasy and the narcissist says no I want my fantasy to be childlike it's exactly like the little prince send Santa chuckling and his book little prince the if you read it is a second okay advisor to read Peter Pan and the little prince and you know everything you have to know about novices in that book it's clear that the prince has a fantasy and the aviator the crack the epidurals airplane crashed in the desert in the Sahara Desert also has a fantasy but they disagree about the nature of the fantasy at the beginning in the initial diamond the narcissus miss labels is shared fantasy and calls it love but it's not of course slop is founded on truth on reality crucial marine life is reality and realities never dependence and never fantastic and never creates a merger or a union of two organisms with into a single organism with two heads this is codependency serve love so this is miss labels is fantasy and then as tensions because of these disagreements as tensions accumulate within the shared fantasy the part is moving at durably can't stop it into interstitial phase one in an interstitial phase one which is the third phase grooming shared fantasy interstitial phase one in interstitial phase one they give two options option 1 is and the first option is exit so now we're talking about interstitial phase 1 option 1 exit this phase involves cheating an aborted attempt to dump each other or actively persisting or cheating to modify let's talk about all this all these things the role of a partner in the interstitial phase 1 in interstitial phase 1 is a mother so her role was a playmate in the shell fantasy before that an admirer in the grooming now her own is a mother in this in this phase interstitial Faceman women choose to either exit the shed fantasy option 1 or to persist in the shed funds and to attempt to move to a committed relationship to alter the alter the components on the constituents of the shell fantasy in there by changing its character or nature so exit opposites and these phases allows the narcissist tell me for the last phase which which is for the penultimate penultimate phase which is anti Ventus in other words Nazis realizes the things are shaky and he begins to take effect he begins to disengage emotional withdraw his investment he begins to grieve and he definitely begins to seek alternatives because whatever you say about losses in Psychopaths they are Optive they're optimizing machines there I mean they discard and find and replace with insects so this is institutions why would the party partner usually seek to terminate the shed hunters whenever the woman tries to exit this common territory this psychotic space she's punished she's punished with sadistic sex egregious abuse verbal psychological financial other withholding including withholding of sex or rejection she's punished and that makes her feel very wronged it's unjust why why does she feel that it's not okay to be punished if she tries to exit this space well first of all because we all know Thomas independent agents and if we choose to to leave we should be allowed but forget that for me problem is much deeper they say when the narcissist meets his women he meets them in settings that imply that he is looking for a serious long-term relationship he he dates women eat he doesn't go to bars or to parties or dating apps that's not how he finds his women if you go to a bar and pick up a woman her expectations are pretty pretty minimal pretty basically and they can be fulfilled in two hours if you are in the party and you flirt with someone and you end up in bed that's also pretty you know confined although even there some expectations can be disappointed the disappointment itself would be expected but if you flirt with someone for six months or you know you date them for four weeks it's a signal if you demand sexual exclusivity it's a signal if you share very intimate details of your life seek advice it's a signal these are signals the narcissus gives all these signals and meets his word women in settings and behaves in ways that clearly signal I'm looking for a serious long-term relationship but then he reveals later with his behaviour in the shed fantasy that he's interested in these women merely as playmates he with holes he doesn't fully belong he's not fully present he makes these women feel transparent non-existent and these behavior patterns make women feel very disappointed angry toyed with they feel deceived which leads them to cheat on the narcissus way to terminate the relationship restore themselves emotionally elevate the surface team and hurt the narcissus in this order by the way it's more about them than about the gnosis so this defiant act of Independence ending up in bed with another men even if it's if it's enough one-night stand it's a defined app it's symbolic symbolic severing of the of the bond the trauma bond the relationship and it's it's intended to restore the sea is the woman's autonomy and self-efficacy restorer is an agent she's an object she wants to become a human being again an agent and cheating is one way cheating I mean having sex with another man is one way of doing this it's a signal of independence so in this way in many of these cases the women actually inform the narcissus of what had happened or they they pick up men in the narcissus when the gnosis is present and they make sure the gnosis knows about it so that there's no way back or to force the gnosis is to dump them or to empower themselves to make them feel so strong and restored that they would get get the nerve to walk away it's all about trying to sever this sick miasma that the relationship had become because the shared fantasy is so psychotic so detached so unreal that it starts as a dream but in invariably answers like gnosis is rarefied object in constants a butter he deletes chats and emails or is married or is in touch with multiple women or he triangulate so he saw he is unavailable even if he even as as he claims to be available and he plays he harps on the partners abandonment bone abandonment anxiety and this leads to to the dissolution disintegration of the book and she countered triangulation sheets very often just as a as a way to restore her cell phone and to get out get the hell out of them women reject their permanent or permanent role in the shared fantasy as mere sex slaves or sex buddies playmates toys Co fantasies women want more from the relation and they want exclusivity in this phase women refuse to continue to realize that narcissists sexually sadistic fantasy they revert and transition to conventional vanilla sex and when there are demands and expectations are not met women don't feel that they have to meet the demands and expectations of the partner my demands are not met why should I meet your demands and so there's a deterioration a deterioration in the reciprocity of the relationship and the goodwill I would say the the goodwill reserves could will deposits dwindle and women sometimes denied sex or withhold sex or insist on not satisfying conventional sex as a manipulative tactic to manipulate the narcissist to wake him up to get a rise out of him same reason for the same reasons the Triangulum same reason they cheat or because there is no longer a quid pro quo all this happens in the interstitial phase when the woman decides to exit the relationship and the narcissist reacts to all these maneuvers by losing sexual interest into the by experience in sometimes occasional he recognizes family let's talk about a bit more about cheating finally the only way open to the narcissist woman is to resort to another man with whom she can create an alternative sanctuary however fantastic and brief now I can hear the chorus of voices I never cheated on my narcissist I don't cheat I will never cheat I decide I am NOT saying that old women all all the partners all the intimate partners female intimate partners or narcissist cheat that's not what I'm saying some of them cheat some of them don't cheat however cheating is an option in the mind of all these women do not believe a woman who would tell you I never thought about cheating I do not believe that she may because she is inhibited or because she's well socialized because she is she has a high higher self-esteem for whatever reason she may opt to not cheat but she had considered she and considered cheating with specific individuals with candidates just held herself back the cheating is the only way open to to a woman to kind of escape this madness of the shed fantasy and it fulfills several functions simultaneously and this is why cheating isn't gradually becomes an irresistible choice now for us at some point many women would say the rather than cheat I prefer to walk away and in other women which is it's a way to walk over both walking away but it's there psycho dynamically cheating allows the woman to get away from the narcissistic father safely and protected and rescued by another men to abandon him before he dumps her in the anti fantasy phase and also to get rid of his losses for good since narcissus becomes a source of pain anger frustration disappointment emotional blackmail restriction of freedom grade theorem is assault all the time this fear of retribution stalking after the after the breakup or the Chi the women come to regard the not sisters severely disturbed or even as even the secretary object and so there's a lot of incentive to walk away with with another men this kind of intuitive feeling that that other men is a sort of protection and there's also the the thing that is a symbolic act of defiance independence autonomy it's it's cutting the coding not the personality or the identity of the other men is very rarely very very rarely relevant it's the other men is also a simple is also a kind of tool or instrument to exit the relationship in a game the cheating doesn't have to be actual there could be emotional Affairs or the cheating would play take place in the woman's mind and just the fact that she had considered it would be sufficient so the second function of the of cheating karela or conceived is to is for the woman to restore herself with a man both emotionally and sexually to demonstrate to the narcissist and to itself her attractiveness in dependence of him and her ability and willingness to experiment sexually and to do whatever else she wants with whoever she wants and finally of course is always the element of hurting and punishing the narcissist remember this is the interstitial phase exit strategy option 1 in an active shared fantasy the problem is the discrete cheating will not yield a transition to anti fast so the woman needs to cheat in order to mortify the narcissist she needs to ostentatiously cheat she needs to humiliate him in the act of cheating she needs him to know what had happened she needs him to witness what to irrevocably undermine the shirt fantasy his mortification sets in and his fully processed there are 4 videos this channel which deal with narcissistic mortification to learn more about this topic you need to watch them there's been a serious misunderstanding my fault when I said that once a woman exists assured fantasy she the gnosis will never try to get her back which of course is not what I meant to say Mass this is over Hoover previous sources of supply overing is attended by queen sources of supply is they they come back again and again two women who and who had left them and exited the life so as I was trying to say trying to say that under certain countries the woman lives in a specific way then the narcissist was shunned an avoider because she is a source of danger she's a straight schism so if a woman leaves for example by mortify and then the nurses would avoid her if a woman leaves wake up to it we'll come to it a bit a bit later but generally speaking this the cheating needs to motive to obtain the goal of interstitial phase one the woman as I said is that perseverance drink cheating to mortify cheating in order to modify allows the woman to take effect to disengage from the narcissist emotionally at this stage she is disillusioned and she counters her addiction her trouble bonding by transferring her attachment and emotions to another men now this attachment and emotions could be very short-term very shallow they could lead to a one-night stand casual sex or nothing flirting all night it's just that she violates breaks the unspoken agreement of sexual exclusivity or emotional activity that symbolic act it's in itself sufficient like raising the flag you know and so she transfers her attachment and emotions to another man her interest her intimacy her openness her trust her gratitude to another men and usually she does it in public or she makes sure that the narcissus gets to learn about all this and by doing this she both abandons the narcissist in approaches her maternal role and from that moment the Gnostic should find it very difficult to regard her itself as safe base mother because she hurt him he did not believe that she will hurt him but she hurt him and so there are two types of shared fantasy one is aborted shirt fantasy and one is active shirt fantasy sometimes the narcissus tries to create a shirt fantasy with a partner and it is not working out this is the chef father's is not fully formed it's it's the beginnings their rudiments of shared fantasy but they don't call this in tertiary fantasy when cheating occurs in an aborted shared fantasy this leads to a successful exit the narcissus cannot return to women who had betrayed the shed fantasy by cheating or triangulating if the fantasy had been aborted before it had matured that's a critical thing if the narcissus picks up a potential partner or potential mate tries to create a shared fantasy women in fails and then she cheats he will never return to this one and then this treating him active should fund this kind of cheating is much less effective it's recurrent it's failed exits and it it must result in multiplication to be successful when the Shelf a disease active the narcissus ends it only after having processed a mortification after having endured several runs several rounds of injurious cheating so the sequence in an active shell fantasy is cheating injuries reclaiming the woman cheating injuries reclaiming the loop the partner and then the partner says enough is enough she mortifies the narcissist losses undergoes multiplication processes the mortification and then dumps the partner and breaks up with her or lets the partner dump and break up and this is owing to the fact that these women are perceived by the narcissist as having betrayed the shared fantasy and exited without his prompting of their own initiative as a display of personal autonomy interdependence with other men when while cheating this is acceptable in an active shared fantasy but not in an aborted fantasy and it's acceptable if there's no mortification info if the cheating is instrumental if the woman cheats just because she wants to feel better once we're saying so but if she cheats in order to ruin the narcissist psychologically to modify the challenges the foundations of his psychology is grandiosity everything then he will avoid this woman like the plank afterwards the impact owing to the way the partner had abandoned to share fantasy and other ways to transition from shared fantasy to anti fantasy without going through the interstitial faiths without giving the narcissus time to detach and dick effect and this leads to traumatic loss and cystic modification again this is the kind of woman and losses would evoke the there's no problem with a partner who had kept disrupting the formation and maturation of the shed fantasy because this kind of partner doesn't allow the Shred fantasy to flourish and to correlation to be incoming to being so partner who comes and goes approach avoidant refuses to idealize the narcissist refuses to actually refuses some types of six is not a good play made this kind of partner is disruptive and doesn't allow the shed fantasy to form to mature so if this partner walks away or cheats or something like that the gnosis doesn't react too badly he perceives the whole thing to have been a fling or casual sex and he we try to cover this kind of woman or partner in the future now the break-up that ensues is in itself a very complex phase psycho dynamically speak let's stop with sex sex with with a woman is similarly at the surface of securing the stability of the shared fantasy it also fulfills another book it allows the novices to humiliate and degrade the woman so as to prove to himself his own irresistibility an addictive quality a few minutes disappoints her degrades her and she keeps coming back for more it proves that is irresistible that is addictive that is sweet cannabis is only one of his kind you know here is destroying her annulling her humiliating her demeaning her berating every debasing her and she keeps coming back for more what does it say about him he's gone when triangle a triangle ation or cheating occurs in an active shared fantasy space or faith the narcissus persists in the fantasy because it's fantasy has as you were seen crucial fulfills crucial psychodynamic psychological needs and so it would take a lot to break an active shared fantasy only when these needs are challenged directly the modification in a mortification only thent analysis gives up but as long is there a narcissistic injuries here there the fantasy is worth maintaining and keeping using confirmation bias so tribulation is not enough cheating is not enough he persists in the fantasy he embarks on a reclaim animal following every incident every episode and of course this reclaim honeymoon doesn't last long and is followed by abuse and absence and this forces the woman to escalate she she flirts doesn't work she triangulates doesn't work she cheats doesn't work so she has to escalate she is too severely injured and mortified the narcissist by cheating on him ostentatiously in a humiliating way to end their relationship simply to dump him and walk away now this is Chitti and I said [ __ ] it's a form of modification there are many other forms of modification the betrayal of trust the ruination or destruction of the safe base element in the relationship can be done in many ways she could steal all his money there's a famous it is a very good movie the best offer were an old recluse reclusive bachelor an art collector falls in love with a ravishing stunning but mentally ill woman oh she pretends to be mentally ill she absconds with all his art collection and his money so there are many ways to modify I'm focusing on cheating and sex because this is the most common way actually but a woman partner lost this intimate partner can modify the analysis in many other ways if the shirt fantasy I remind you through chef alice is aborted or does not mature the narcissist dumps the woman immediately after her tribulation in cheating and he suffers only narcissistic injury but once docked by either party the shirt fantasy is over a relationship can continue but the fantasy is over and it cannot be revived by either party even if the wheel is there even if they try even if the woman remains in he lost his life even if she returns to him he returns to her the chef a disease did once dead or wasted even if he Hoover's this kind of woman this woman in the future he will offer her not ace is a partner for a shared fantasy or if he creates a shirt recreates a shirt fantasy with her it we will be with such reserve and so many preconditions then actually it will be more transactional so there's been a breakup so there's a process of grieving and moving on as the narcissist is attached not to the shed fantasy itself or to any of its details but to the way he had felt in the shell fantasy this is very crucial not this is not attached to his partner he doesn't fondly remember what they had done together he doesn't even put him emphasis on the six he gets attached to the way that shared fantasy that may make him feel it gets a lot to his own reactions to the chiffons he grieves the passing of the shared fantasy only self-referential II and auto-erotic the woman's indispensable role in the fantasy solely as a mirror theater prop the catalyst is an object a presence is required but she must remain quiet the woman's function is only to counterfactually buttress all the elements of the narcissus grandiosity and to affirm the reality of plants to make the narcissus feel elated feel high the narcissist idealizes the movement in order to facilitate the shared fantasy it come if he doesn't like realize idealize her it will not be a fantasy so yesterday liza ory idealizes her in order to resolve mortification he dick attempts he he removes his emotion request in order to switch off and to move on to the next shelf and so the idealization devaluation cycle that we are also appointed with is closely connected to the various phases of the shed hunt and it's brought on by these phases he idealizes in the grooming stage he realizes in the shed fantasy and then he has to devalue he has to devalue to break out of the shell fantasy and to establish a new one some people are addicted to love some people addicted to race some people addicted to money or two thrills the narcissus is addicted to fantasize and it fantasizing not only in romantic relationships he fantasizes him in business now this is a well-known for consistently coming up with get-rich-quick schemes and hairbrained projects he likes to fantasize fantasy is the permanent state of mind and being of the narcissist it's where he feels most safe most comfortable most calm was happy the cathexis the motional investment is in the shared fantasy oh that should be more precisely in the way the share fantasies experience not in the woman not in the relationship and this is why when the narcissist accepts the fantasies demise he disengages he switches off the dick effects on the night and he transitions with alacrity to the next a fantasy intimate partners of gnosis escaped keep musing keep complaining keep being shocked the speed with which the gnosis is transitioned from the relationship to another one you know it dumped them on Wednesday and on Friday here's a new a new wife and on Monday she's pregnant with a shocked at this instant transition I have witnessed the transition which which took 20 minutes witness with my own eyes a psychopathic borderline narcissistic grandiose woman who transitioned in a few minutes so as long as fantasy has any life or hope left in it the narcissist mourns it's imminent passing he tries to reverse reverse the situation to keep it alive and he's mortified when they assured fantasy expires make no mistake about it he pays a very dear and deep emotional price and that is but but that is why the narcissist never grieves over any aspect of the woman of the relationship the Shedd fantasy in which is exclusively invested is a state of mind it's not a reality it's the way he interacted and interfaced with a fantasy that he mourns death he misses the nurses does not miss or dwell on the six uncommon activities on memories on plans on on his partner they're all interchangeable commoditized components of the share fantasy he can have this with any woman and he does he just needs a trader and the trigger is in the form of a woman but he just needs a trigger to activate an internal mental state but the narcissist does grief are the outcomes of the mortification he grieves the renewed loss of innocence and being forced to revert to reality to control himself in an unforgiving unflinching cruel and reflecting mirror all this yes all this is totally the compensating disintegrating effect on the narcissist but that's more or less if the narcissus griefs and more himself now there's another variant of interstitial phase one another option and the desorption to persist this option involves frustration the sexuality becomes conventional the six and still there is a presumption of exclusivity the narcissus partner's mistake the shared fantasy phase they think it's a passing the temporary love pumping or infatuation stage and it's going to be followed by the implementation of realistic plans or at the very least realistic fantasy adult fantasy fantasy that involves life elements of life like I mentioned before home business doing business creating a home living children making a family so the the narcissus intimate partners are much more grounded in adult shores responsibilities in in veteran song view of life and when they start pushing for more the narcissus becomes indecisive and approach appointment as long as this discontent this friction this disagreement is not translate to specific demands ultimatums with halting conflict or betrayal and cheating the Nazis pretends in continues to act as though everyone is still on the same shared fantasy phase a page but it kept lost for long it Cutlass for long again and it leads to an anti fantasy phase and the anti fantasy phase phase four of the five involves modification decoupling sexualities is non-existent such as sexlessness celibacy abstinence and and in some cases partners wish to stay together they create open relationships the minute the partner tries to transition from simulation to reality the minute the partner refuses to participate in the shed fantasy the minute the partner tries to convert the shared fantasy into some modicum of adult reality the minute partner attempts to extract unilateral benefits material or otherwise she moves in to live with the narcissist or myths the narcissist regularly she demands sex the gnosis is time attention sharing which is boring the miniature obstructs his work who interferes with it the minute she grandiosely claims a share in or control of the shared fantasy or any of its elements the minute she rejects the narcissist sexuality criticizes his sexual performance or proclivities the minute she has any overt expectations the minute she makes any demands ultimatums of any kind verbally abuses the narcissus not statistically interest analysis the minute she triangulates should flourish she misbehaves with other men spends time with him she's owned the narcissus betrays the narcissist in any way which modifies him there's a critical element multiplication the ministry questions disagrees criticizes mocks shows disappointment withholds any of the m3s s sakes supplying services or the miniature with bones two of the three companionship measures sex the blind services or any combination of the AMA all these are perceived as criticism and devaluation they are challenged to the narcissus grandiosity in a proof of the partners worthlessness she is either not stupid needing dependent weak dangerous she's out to get him she's a gold-digger this paranoia paranoid ideation provokes paranoid the secretary and each shared fantasy dissipates the cool-headed unflinching Nakhimov takes over disenchanted this NACO path instantly and totally gives up on the partner emotionally ethnic effects he discards the fantasy the wrong player of the game narcissus loses all sexual interest in book begins to verbally abuse her statistically pushing on her bounds in that instant she's no longer his woman he doesn't care what she does with other men he no longer reacts to other men's disrespectful advances or comments about her he wakes up so to speak he fully reversed the reality absenting himself he may be there physically but never emotionally or mentally he becomes a kind of disinterested roommate he also becomes egregiously verbally abusive and devaluing if he is in pinched or if his kind of pricked or or addressed the nurse's is sometimes pushes the publicist departed sheet on him with others in order to either the calls himself mortification or to terminate the relationship without untoward repercussions or to gain trip kill trip the cheating party into submission in this instantaneous transition from shared fantasy to transactional reality it's accomplished in in sometimes minutes as I told usually it takes you days and weeks but I've I've witnessed such a transition which took minutes in the Nazis does not bother after that to monitor the environment anymore for competitors he redirect all these images in attention and focus to other tasks he erases Department motion there's no object constancy she's gone she is history out of mind out of sight he still reads available cues perfectly but selectively in order to affirm that the partner is disrespectful and faithful disloyal or pervasive liar cetera which makes it easier for him to take effect it helps him to move on to the next fantasy roleplay where the next idealized partner if and when he chooses to do so it also less than offices to any pitfalls risks in the process so to lead to dick effect to withdraw emotionally the narcissus again uses splitting but this time reversibility at the beginning the Shred fantasy phase grooming phase the partner was all good now she's all bad to switch from shared fantasy to panty funders he renders the partner he he sees the power is a cruel sadistic withholding frustrating deceitful abusive the secretary maternally cheating object not safe dangerous style an enemy and he curses the bottom to conform to this rule to enact it it's something called projective identification he rejects the part he abuses her he withholds saves and everything else and this pushes the partner for example to cheat or to retaliate and this upholds his view that she's over bed but cheating is a role of cheating or abusing the gnosis is a role and the woman is one for the Bible it allows her to take effect and so the gnosis is misconduct provokes the partner to flee into six accord or to retaliate or to find another safe man sometimes someone with vastly inferior to technologies so he is unlikely to reject an abuser and compound her injury they in the case of cheating it causes the narcissist life-threatening pain if it reaches the stage of mortification but following notification is emotionally free in able to transition to the next shade front so the two parties collude and collaborate in mortification the moment wants to modify the narcissist so she set free and the narcissist wants her to modify so he suddenly set free they both want to be set free and the only ticket out is mortification that nonsense is multiplication modification can be minimal if the woman assumes her share of the responsibility or blame for what had happened or modification can be major if the woman casts all the responsibility or blame on the narcissist and the prime reason for modification can be for example if the narcissist becomes convinced that he is the bad guy that his partner did not deserve they were really cruel inhuman abuse that he meted out to them now why would a narcissist cast himself as a bad guy because then he can say I made her do it being my misbehavior my misconduct my abuse my cruelty my sadism pushed her to do what she had done so I'm in control I'm still the prime mover and shaker in the prime reason prime cause it restores his grandiosity there's another variant where the Nazis feels that he had been wrong and that he's the good guy the victim and their mortification is reduced or absent altogether the cheating she is a bad object yes you remember splitting Chile makes it impossible for the losses to entertain counterfactual what-if ego-dystonic fantasies um like I failed I misbehave let's try him he can say that when there's no mortification and he does very often the narcissist persist in the fantasy and try again in a game maybe but when this modification he cannot say that he cannot freak effect to betray a mountain betraying modified object the woman he can have emotional sex with her or at work collaboration a future but never again a shared fantasy multiplication taught him a lesson that she's dangerous all women react the same to the losses in their lives they're intimidated confused exhausted angry disappointed they then seek to hurt the narcissist but as they walk away or cheat many of them out of pity sometimes try to minimize the pain the pain death caused by lime or by minimizing their misbehavior reframing it it's a mistake it's a mistake because if they do this then the shared fantasy survives the narcissist will latch on these confabulations and prevarications in order to not be modified and he would persist with the shed fans if you want to end this torture the only ways to modify the narcissist you have to be cruel borderlines are for example some borderlines are secondary psycho and it just don't care about hurting the narcissus grievously at the moment of pursuing the fulfillment of their needs regret shame and guilt complete and consequently this kind of women often modify the Nazis by putting a cruel mirror to the hideous grandiose buffoon an obnoxious repulsive monster that is there this kind of women say any man any men is preferable to you you are a horrible person is not deluded fool full of yourself fool so the Nazis reacts to his own modification the way people react to him with shock or nausea depression avoidance denial trauma he may even become psychosomatic headaches gastrointestinal symptoms panic attacks dyspnea inability to breathe shortness of breath depression anxiety aggression cetera multiplication is crucial if you want to end a shared fantasy there's no way around it half-measures disguises prevarications confabulations and pretensions will get you nowhere women realize that at the end to the many of them cheat with other men and men even betray in other ways but I found out that the majority of all intimate partners of narcissus end up realizing this intuitively and mortifying the gnosis which leads to the lost age interstitial phase to legacy the narcissus switches from external modification caused by the intimate partner to auto plastic internal modification or vice versa from internal modification to other plastic external notification and usually cycles between these two modifications in a brick nutshell because there are four videos dedicated to this the losses can say it was all my fault I made her do it thereby greenery regaining his sense of grandiosity is the prime cause in in control or he can say she was evil and she did this to me I'm gonna punish her these are the two types of motivation narcissus reconstructs the full search reconstructs offensive with doses of grandiosity he assumes responsibility and implied control over what had happened or Rica's everyone involved a zero and seeks to punish them he then goes into schizoid hibernation no sex no social interactions masturbation minimum contact with with this woman the intimate partner who hit mortified him and with other women tolerance for misbehavior cheating other types of misconduct because she's no longer in his life and finally the mortifying and envious woman and other evil parties are perceived by the narcissist is a threat to be shunned also because they recover in crime after after he had punished them while the narcissist withers and suffers irreversible damage so it's equal to ego-dystonic 'it's it's a pleasant for the masses to see how limited his power is so final analysis are being modified these are available tried to punish them I'd be punished them to some extent didn't work so well I don't want to be faced with with my failure with his failure to punish them I don't wanna witness this amount of him grandiosity restored elaborate originally partially the narcissist moves on to the next shared fantasy it becomes decisive and approach her end non-void ensnare immediately after the anti fantasy the narcissist is vulnerable to abuse manipulation expectations by a scrupulous women Psychopaths border lines and many nonsenses fall for prey actually they're very very vulnerable in this stage they are in the situation a state of mind in a psychological state that is equal equivalent to this is the typical state of mind in psychological state of their victims they become victims in the biggest analysis of this stage after the mortification and after latency he seeks another shared fantasy indiscriminate he realizes anyone it's easy he is looking for an intimate partner to participate in a new shirt fantasy urgently compulsively indiscriminately so he was praying very often time for anything [Music] restorative meaning he falls prey very often to psychopathic and so on women thus this cannot survive without a shared fantasy for long not Cystic supply functions depend crucially on cannot read fantasy visit narcissus is a grandiose fantasy that's how he derives narcissistic supply to support a force structure for self for city fantasy he needs this without these elements is not supplied without supply he falls apart he also needs a maternal substitute he needs to feel loved and safe this is a mission critical for even minimum functioning of the gnosis gnosis is a child he needs mommy he needs a mommy and he needs constant praise then emboldened he can venture out into the world and [ __ ] it up or lacking