جلسات #مع_نفسي 23 - المخلوقية - الألم واللذة - الشقاء والكبد - الطمأنينة والسعادة والرضا

Dr Abdul Rahman: Welcome back, in our third session about Pain & Pleasure. The Host: Yes, it’s about the third time. Dr Abdul Rahman: However, I believe we- The Host: We started a lot of other related topics. Dr Abdul Rahman: Exactly, I don’t think we’re taking too much time

for this topic than it deserves. The Host: No. Dr Abdul Rahman: Alright, good. The Host: Last time, we needed to the explain the relation of

pain & pleasure regarding happiness & satisfaction Dr Abdul Rahman: Alright, to sum things up,

so far we talked about creationism; The fact that I am a creature means that I have needs,

which means I am in pain that is encountered with pleasure and this is a natural fact that will give one comfort if he submits to it.

If he does not, he would only increase his pain Why do atheists commit suicide?

Because they reject pain. So what’s next?

At the end of the day you will end up in a grave? What would you do?

It’s over, you can’t do anything! However, if you submitted and accepted this universal law,

you will find comfort and happiness in this life and the next The Host: Alright, is it a universal law that human beings are always in pain? Dr Abdul Rahman: No The Host: For example, the wife that lives a difficult life because

her husband is constantly tormenting her. Dr Abdul Rahman: She has the option to leave him. The Host: What if she can’t, she is forced! Dr Abdul Rahman: So she is the weak one who is overly attached

and this is the result of her weakness, not because there isn't a universal law

to help her get rid of this. When we talk about psychological independence

we will explain how even if the husband is abusive, she can be so psychologically independent that

she can bear with him,and this requires effort. We will talk about this in another example. After all this, how is pain & pleasure

and raising the bar of possibilities and lowering expectations related to our understanding of happenings,

tranquillity, and contentment? Do you remember how we said

“A muslim does not suffer from psycholgicall disorders”? The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: We also talked about the Ayah: {Ta Ha, We have not sent down to you

the Qur'an that you be distressed} (20:1-2) The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: The question here is:

Are humans innately distressed? Are humans innately miserable?

Are humans innately in a state of struggle? Like people interpret the ayah (90:4)

as ‘a constant state of misery’? Let’s dissect this. Firstly: Does ‘Kabad’ mean ‘distress’? No. ‘Kabad’ in Arabic means to strive, to strive in life.

Is everyone who strives miserable? No. Many can strive while happy.

For example, an athlete strives against fat and high cholesterol,

but he is happy. In fact, sports increases adrenaline,

endorphin and serotonin; all the hormones that make you happy.

Sports is a “distress” that makes you happy. Is climbing a mountain tiring or not? The Host: Of course, it is tiring. Dr Abdul Rahman: This means he is in a state of striving, right? The Host: Yes he is. Dr Abdul Rahman: However, he is happily climbing to reach the peak.

Therefore the point that “to strive” means misery is wrong. Is there effort? Yes.

But this has nothing to do with that, necessarily. Unless you misunderstood, then all your efforts mean misery. Secondly: People have this misconception of struggle & misery

because when it comes to some Islamic preachers they assume being religious means that you are

in a state of misery, who said this? The Qur'an says the complete opposite.

The first two ayahs of Surah Taha: "Ta Ha”, Allah is addressing the prophet

(peace be upon him) By the way, since we mentioned this,

Ta Ha is not a name of the prophet as Ibn Abbas mentioned,

“Ta Ha” means: “Oh Man” {Ta Ha, We have not sent down to you

the Qur'an that you be distressed} (20:1-2) What does that mean?

If you know Tafsir, you’d know it means that we have sent down the Qur’an that you be you - The Host: happy. Dr Abdul Rahman: Happy. Oh Muhmmad We have not sent down the Qur’an to cause you distress. In fact you should be happy.

“Hold on a sec Doctor, how?” You find Qur’an memorizers who are miserable

after spending time in the Qur’an centres. So there is a problem either in the Qur’an or with those people.

Let’s jump to the end of the Surah: {And indeed, We once made a covenant with Adam,

but he forgot, and ˹so˺ We did not find determination in him} (20:115) {And We said, "O Adam, dwell, you and your wife, in Paradise}

We were warned of the enemy, who? {Then let him not remove you from Paradise so you would–}. (20:117) The Host: {you would suffer} Dr Abdul Rahman: Someone might claim this is a contradiction. Wasn't it mentioned in the beginning of the Surah that

he won’t be distressed and now it says the opposite! Let’s understand the context, what did Allah say?

{Indeed, it is [promised] for you not to be hungry therein or be unclothed} (20:118) {And indeed, you will not be thirsty therein or be hot from the sun} (20:119) This means just by departing from your “7 star

or 1000 star place” where you never feel hunger, thirst, nor heat.. Just by getting off that level

is considered suffering, clear? The Host: Clear. Dr Abdul Rahman: The example I am giving, if you were to stay at a 7 star hotel

and they move you to the most beautiful beach house, you will consider it distress

because in the hotel you were being served, the food is delivered to you,

the sheets get washed daily. You find the beach house that others find extraordinary, distressful. It’s relative, clear? The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: Therefore, leaving heaven and living on Earth,

Is it physical or spiritual distress? The Host: Physical distress. Dr Abdul Rahman: The Ayah says: {Here it is guaranteed that you will never

go hungry or unclothed} (20:118) Hunger, nakedness, thirst.

Is this [for] body or soul? The Host: Body. Dr Abdul Rahman: Body, so it’s physical distress. Second Question:

Is everyone equally distressed according to this? The Host: They’re equal. Dr Abdul Rahman: Everyone is exposed to heat, etc.. The difference is this guy has an AC while that one doesn't.

Even those who own an AC strived to buy one. Let’s jump ahead and come to the verses

where they come down to Earth. {Then when guidance comes to you from Me, whoever follows My guidance will neither go astray ˹in this life˺ nor suffer ˹in the next˺.} (20:123) How is that? Didn't you tell me a while ago I will be distressed. That physical distress is obligatory,

the other distress is spiritual and it’s voluntary. You can be physically poor but spiritually rich. The Host: True. Dr Abdul Rahman: We’ve seen many of those.

Clear? So leaving paradise and coming down to earth,

is physical distress. However during your stay on earth,

you were given revelations. If you receive it = you become happy.

If you neglect it = you will be distressed, it’s your choice! {But whoever turns away from My Reminder will certainly have a miserable life,

then We will raise them up blind on the Day of Judgement} (20:124) Does this mean that distress is directly connected

to unhappiness as most people understand it? Wrong!

That’s why I ask, based on what we said: Does the believer experience distress? The Host: In reality he should not be distressed spiritually. Dr Abdul Rahman: Yes, beautiful. The believer, like anyone else,

experiences physical distress, however he is not supposed to be spiritually distressed. The prophet - peace be upon him-

who was sent down revelation, Was he physically distressed? The Host: Yes, of course. Dr Abdul Rahman: His feet would be swollen, he would have

camel intestines thrown at him, he was beaten, his teeth were broken.

All this is physical distress, Right? The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: However spiritually he was brilliant. Is it clear? The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: Does pain necessarily mean distress?

No! Are we done with this part?

Excellent. We now come to the meaning of tranquillity, happiness and satisfaction These are 3 important levels,

and I usually resemble them to a heart beat diagram. The Host: Yeah. Dr Abdul Rahman: The flat line represents tranquillity. Tranquillity by definition:

is stability or having a self that's clear from spoilers. Meaning that you are neither happy nor sad. I call it the “emotional zero”,

although it’s not an accurate term, Since if there is emotion then it is not zero… I usually explain it during my workshops that you are neither

(A smiling face) nor (A crying face), that means you are neither happy

nor sad, clear? alright. So what's happiness?

Feeling pleasure. Tranquillity: I’m not feeling

pleasure nor am I in pain. With happiness there is pleasure.

Then what is satisfaction? First thing I need to know:

That satisfaction is not meant as contentment, because that meaning: satisfaction

meant as contentment, is in tranquillity. Satisfaction here is “Maximal happiness”,

Happiness that knows no boundaries, Do you know that moment that you sometimes

reach in life, where you say “Oh Allah, if you were to take my soul right now

I won’t be sad because I lived a good life”? That moment that you want to last forever.

Is it clear now as a definition at least? Tranquillity: Being clear from spoilers.

Happiness: Feeling pleasure. Satisfaction: Maximal happiness. Understood? The Host: Yes, understood Dr Abdul Rahman: The question here is:

Are these stages permanent? No! If they were permanent we would be in heaven,

which is why I compare them to a heart beat. As long as the heart is working, it will go up and down.

Up and down. Clear? The Host: Yes, it’s clear. Dr Abdul Rahman: Second: Is it expected from the content we provided- Remember when you asked me, I think

it was in the first or second session, Doctor will providing these sessions

mean that people will be… I replied:

No, we give people supportive and preventative advice, but that does not mean they will become angels! Man will always feel a sense

of psychological distress, sadness, etc. But if you were at a low point,

we will give you advice to lift you up again. In other words we are giving you uplifting tips. I do not claim that our material

will make you never feel sadness- That way you will lose your humanity. But at least you will have something, that you can refer to when you are at a low

and go right back up, alright. Third: Is it possible for a person to be

tranquil and sad? What do you think? The Host: I don't know. Dr Abdul Rahman: It’s possible!

Because sadness is a natural human emotion. Whereas you can’t be tranquil and resentful.

The evidence: “The eyes shed tears and the heart is grieving. O Ibrahim!

Indeed we are grieved by your departure." At the same time:

“and we will not say except what pleases our Lord” The Host: Resentful meaning-

Resentment means misery, objecting to Allah's judgement. Dr Abdul Rahman: Resentment is misery,

where there is no issue with sadness. here’s an amazing answer by Ibn Taymiyyah

when asked: Why did the prophet peace be upon him cry for his son’s death

whereas, Al-Fodail laughed when his son died? When his son died, Al-Fodail laughed.

Defence mechanisms! What was Ibn Taymiyyah’s reply? "Al-Fodail did not balance between the pillars

of mercy and contentment, whereas the prophet did” Extreme balance

I am sad but content [not happy]. I will give an example to better understand the concept

and connect it to psychological well-being: If you were walking in the street

going to work for example, What would be your state of mind

during that time: Tranquillity, happiness or satisfaction?

Walking in the street. Tranquillity, happiness or satisfaction? The Host: Tranquillity. Dr Abdul Rahman: That there is nothing irritating you

but not extremely happy, alright. Suddenly a car passes by,

driving over a puddle of mud, and splashes it all on your clothes,

What happens to you? You drop from tranquillity, and only Allah knows

what your reaction would be at the time! Cursing or swearing-

depending on how much you purify yourself. But eventually you will become tranquil again,

and continue your trip. You go back home and your wife asks:

"My love, how was your day, tell me?” "That son of a …” out of the entire day,

you remembered this moment of low! If we were to only understand this,

we would realise that we are blessed most of the time because we are tranquil,

but because we raised the bar of expectation and raised the bar of comfort,

and raised the bar of consumerism, etc. we’ve reached to a point where

the standard is to always be up high! Ads promote: Luxurious apartment,

5 star hotel, luxury car, etc. If we don’t have any of this then we are at the bottom,

although tranquillity exists within us. We always imagine ourselves as miserable, why?

We compare ourselves to very high standards, if we understood tranquillity correctly-

An incident happened with me in America, We were visiting a friend of mine named Mohammed,

My wife, daughters, friends and I, So we were talking about this topic when I asked: “There is a lake nearby

what do you think about walking alongside it?” So went down and during our walk, two dolphins

appeared about 2 metres away from us, looking as if they were newly weds, swimming together.

We looked at each other immediately and smiled. I told them this is a great example,

a few moments earlier we were tranquil and now we are happy. The Host: Masha Allah. Dr Abdul Rahman: Moments earlier we were tranquil with

nothing to stress us out, but we were not very happy.

When we saw that view it drew a smile on our faces. Another example I always say:

In someone’s wedding. What should be his state at that time?

Happy, but you find him angry, shouting: "Guys did we not say not to bring your kids?

Why did you bring them?” Shouldn’t you be happy?

What is bringing you down? On the contrary, someone in a funeral

and a guest comes with his little kid, "May Allah amplify your reward,” -

He accepts their condolences with a smile, and he asks the young kid "How are you dear?

What’s your name? Look, do you see that room over there?

It has toys you could play with” Even in such a difficult time,

he brought joy to a kid’s heart, because he is in a state of tranquillity, got it?

Tranquillity, happiness and satisfaction. Meaning that if I was sad but knew that

there are things I could find pleasure in in order to reduce the pain as much as possible,

then tranquillity will be my usual state in my daily life and I’ll find happiness in anything, such that

even a simple baked bean sandwich would bring me happiness. But if I raise the bar too high, you could bring me

something fancy such as sushi and I will not enjoy it. The Host: Doctor, speaking of advertisements and

their effect on people, is the topic of consumerism and the love of having

things, is this related to what we are talking about? Dr Abdul Rahman: Of course, because when we raise the bar of comfort

it becomes difficult to please ourselves. But when we find joy in the simplest things-

and remind me in the next session about the topic “What do I have to do with the world?”

so I can relate it to this discussion and I can summarise all we discussed about pain and pleasure

and their relation to tranquillity, happiness and satisfaction. But: Yes, the direct answer is yes.

The more we raise the bar of comfort, the more difficult it becomes to please ourselves,

and the more difficult it becomes to be tranquil. But we can discuss this in the next session

in sha Allah and follow up with other topics… The Host: Insha’Allah. Dr Abdul Rahman: You’re welcome. The Host: Thank you. Dr Abdul Rahman: See you in good health.