جلسات #مع_نفسي 11 ... بين الحس والتفكير: قصص حول أثر الجهل العام والخاص على النفس

Dr Abdul Rahman:

Welcome back, how is it going? The Host: Welcome Dr. Last session’s talk was great. but I want to ask another question

before answering your question Dr Abdul Rahman: Go ahead The Host: Previously, we talked

about the topic of Ignorance and I felt that it’s slightly bigger

than what we talked about... So, is the topic easy enough

that it is solved just by thinking? or is it more complicated than that?! Dr Abdul Rahman: Do you remember

what we said when we started these sessions? We said that we will be giving preventive advice

that serves as psychological support however there are pathological issues

that require getting help from specialists But I claim, based on a decent

amount of experience that is neither short nor long

but it's a decent amount of experience, that there are people who took this advice,

applied it in their lives and got rid of issues that would have turned them

into actual psychiatric patients as per the textbook

“Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders”. just by learning about the inputs

and the importance of pausing at them, -at the important ones- and dealing with ignorance

and the circle of ignorance and its relation to fear,

anxiety, and depression It will get clearer when we talk

about Creationism in sha Allah [This] yielded very good results But this doesn't mean that just by doing

what the Dr. says I will achieve it What if I need a somewhat specialized session

because my case may need it? Just like I can explain how to

disassemble a car’s machinery, if you will. The Host: Alright. Dr Abdul Rahman: But not everyone

can be skilled in it or handling the car’s machinery

may need a specialist, you won’t be able to perform it

by simply reading the manual Just so we are clear;

if someone has a psychological disorder or is on the brink of one, to the point of inability

to apply this advice easily, then, of course, he/she are indebted

to themselves to go see a specialist The Host: Great… about last

session’s homework To be honest I tried

thinking about it and found it a bit difficult

but I started paying attention to the people around me who are

impacted by their psychological issues Dr Abdul Rahman: Just so I

remember the homework... It was to identify the unknowns

that could cause you problems, right? The Host: Yes, I felt that the

concept is too big, there is a lot to think about so I started paying attention to those around me,

as we are used to do with inputs, I felt that some of those around me

have psychological problems, For example, there is a lady in our family

who has some psychological issues and when I paid closer attention

to find out the possible reason for it, I heard her say in one family gathering

that she doesn’t feel pretty, so she is scared no one will propose to her,

and that she will be too old, as you know this issue

is different in the suburbs. Dr Abdul Rahman: This is a great example,

let's break it down a bit We are talking about fear of rejection, fear of comparison,

and fear of delayed marriage or deeming the rizq of marriage late -I prefer using this term- She needs to pause at these concepts

and break down the unknown in them Will she stay this way forever? And if she does, are these

the only keys to happiness in life? Meaning if she doesn’t

obtain it she will be depressed? Or is it possible for her to be a

content human being the way she is?! If it happens she will be extra happy, and if it doesn't, then she will at least

be in a state of contentment? And we will talk about this in Creationism,

but this is a good example Dr Abdul Rahman:

Did you pause at other examples? The Host: This is the most

prominent one I faced Dr Abdul Rahman: Look,

I can tell you some examples I give to the audience

in workshops and lectures I'll give you three different examples: One day, a mother called telling me

her daughter suddenly developed OCD symptoms (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and OCD consists of thoughts

that control the person to a point of urging him

to do certain actions What was her obsession? She suddenly became scared

of germs and microbes And she wouldn’t sit in a room until she made sure

the bathroom door was closed So, I asked her to call her

daughter so I can talk to her -and we were using a landline phone- We greeted each other and asked

the general introductory questions She was in high school and

finals were approaching. The Host: We are approaching high

school finals here as well. Dr Abdul Rahman: This is a great example

by the way (High School finals issues) Look where the issue of

finals approaching got her! I asked her: “Are you afraid of microbes?” She said, “Yes.”

“Why?” She said: ”I feel that as soon as someone opens

the bathroom door all the microbes will come out and get on us and I can’t stand that!”

I said “Alright” -I won’t go into the issue of obsessions

because it’s a story on its own- Such people tend to overinflate

& exaggerate trivial thoughts about small problems we may all face

but it is magnified for them I said “I want to ask you a question,

does the bathroom door have a key?” She said, “Yes.”

“Does it have a keyhole?” She said,“Yes” “Does the hole allow air

to go in and out?” She stayed quiet. What am I doing now

with these questions? I am trying to make her face

her thoughts to the max. It’s called “Exposure Therapy”. She said, “Yes.” I said: “Does the door reach all the

way to the floor or is there a gap?” She said: “There is a gap .”

“Can air go in?” She said: “Yes it can.”

“When you or someone go in and out doesn’t air flow in and out as well?

She said, “Dr. you are scaring me!!” I said, “Of course,

I am scaring you on purpose. Let me continue then... The phone you’re speaking

through right now, Is it only yours? Or does everyone at home use it too?”

She said: “Of course everyone uses it!” I said: “Do you know the number

of existing microbes on our mouths and therefore the number of microbes

present on the phone? The Host: She will throw away the phone... Dr Abdul Rahman:“Furthermore, do you know the number

of microbes present inside your body, that you need to digest your food, etc? Let’s get to the bottom line

and get over this foolishness! What is your story? Of course, there are more details to it, but the whole story was that

she is afraid of high school and afraid of being compared

to her cousin that got into med school! And whether she will get

into med school or not! The human being uses

defense mechanisms, so he turns to obsessions to escape

confronting the original issue! The Host: Does this happen involuntarily? Dr Abdul Rahman: That's another story, Is it possible that she was fully aware

of what she was doing in the beginning, and then she became deluded

like someone who believed their own lie?! Yes, it’s possible. The other example was: A woman who wore the

face-vail (niqab) came in and what was her problem?

She has an obsession during prayer As soon as she says “Allahu Akbar”

too many thoughts run in her mind (She thinks about Allah and curses him..) I told her, “I want to ask you a question:

How is your relationship with Allah?” Can you tell me?

She said: Me?! She didn't like the question

and gave me a look as if she is saying

“Me, the Niqabi?! How can you question

my relationship with Allah??!” I told her, “It’s okay,

just go along with me” She refused to answer the question So I started probing

her like a detective would She sidesteps right,

and I get in her way and so on Until I finally had her cornered and she bursted out in tears

-Excuse me to say it the way she did- She hated our Lord, and hated

the hijab and its obligation She hated the Quran

and religious scripture She hated her father who

forced her to wear the niqab, and hated her husband who was

waiting for her outside and won't allow her

to take off the niqab” And she straight up said:

“I wish that starting tomorrow I go out to the streets and take it all off,

let down my hair, wear jeans and... etc I told her, “Great, let’s pause here.”

How can a person with such thoughts say: “God is Greater”?!!

I told her: For you “God is Little” When you are saying something

you are not convinced of, you start having obsessions Because you didn’t have the courage

to face your father and say: "I am not convinced of this religion, I am not convinced of what you are saying”. Another woman came to me

and had a phobia of flying, but had to travel with her

mother to Great Britain because her mother had an

operation or something of that sort. I asked “Tell me, are you religious?”

She said: “Yes.” “And how is your relationship with Allah?”

Again the same reaction. She said: “I memorize several

chapters of the Quran, I-” I told her: “I am asking you how

is your relationship with Allah?” She went on: “I take the

kids to Quran centers.” She is not answering my question... The Host: She is running away

from the question As if I am asking: “Do you love your father?” and you answer: “I tell him

Good morning every day.” I’m asking: “Do you love your father ? “

“I throw away the trash everyday..!” You aren’t really answering the question!

In the end when I told her: “Are you ready to see Him (Allah)?”

She started crying. She said: “If I die, what will my husband do?

and what will happen to the kids? I told her: “Then you are attached to this world

in a way that makes you afraid of meeting Allah and you are actually

running away from Him, and despite all that, you say

“I’m a Muslim and I love Allah…” Last example: A young man with severe

depression came to me and when I had a conversation with him

I found out that he has a big problem: He hates himself because he compares himself

to those who are successful and accomplished The Host: And personal development... Dr Abdul Rahman: And personal development

and excellence, etc. Once he figured out his real problem was

that he doesn’t appreciate himself and proceeded to solve this issue,

he slowly started overcoming the symptoms that brought him to me bit by bit. What I want to conclude with is that

the idea of learning your unknowns and prioritizing what you need to learn,

is a very important matter The Host: What is the next

step after we understand this? Dr Abdul Rahman: Lovely Everything we came across in the past

3 to 5 sessions covered the inputs, during which we were talking

about a process called “Sensing”: Simply receiving inputs, without

understanding how it’s processed What’s the solution then?

To transition from sensing to thinking. What is Sensing: Simply receiving

Inputs and Thinking? Thinking in the Arabic language [...] There is an amazing sentence

in Raghib Al Asfahani’s book “Al Mufradat” He says: “(Fikr) Thinking is the

rearrangement of (Fark) Scrubbing” Scrub is for the material

and thinking is for meanings.” Then what is thinking?

It is a deconstruction. You receive an idea and start

deconstructing it, and analyze it. But there is a problem here:

We said that inputs are so many, right? The Host: Yes, they are a lot. Dr Abdul Rahman: So what happens

when you deconstruct them? The Host: They will increase. Dr Abdul Rahman: They will increase,

and this is a problem. People will say: You got me in a disaster

I wanted to relax, but all this thinking is giving me a headache

and I don’t want to hurt my head! We tell him: This is a necessity,

because if you were to stay in Sensing you will be of the “Ignorance is bliss” folk who are later knocking on

the doors of psychiatric clinics! Those whom we’ve

been talking about so far: having a weak character

and the circle of ignorance… etc Then you have to start thinking.

“But if I start thinking there will be a problem...” No, it’s difficult in the beginning,

but it’s the first step towards true bliss. But if you were to stay like this,

you will always remain captive to inputs, not knowing where to go

or what to do with them, and you will have too

many unanswered questions. So what is the solution? To master the skill -which will be today’s homework-

the skill of “pausing”, which I call “The blessing of amazement”

What do the psychological studies say? They found that those who have the ability

to be amazed are happier than others. How is that? Meaning, you reach a stage

where nothing fails to amaze you. Every time you look at the moon you say to it,

“My lord and your Lord is Allah” Even though you have seen it yesterday,

but today you are looking at it differently as if you are seeing it for the first time. Dr. Muhammad Abu Moussa at Al-Azhar

said a beautiful sentence that I like a lot He told his student: "My son, I ask Allah to protect you from ever reading

what amazes but you’re not amazed.” You’d have a real problem if you see

something amazing but you are not amazed Why?

Because you’re used to it The skill of pausing [...] The homework is to try

starting today until tomorrow Try to look for a certain thing

that passes you often and you don't pause at it,

and pause at it. The Host: For example? Dr Abdul Rahman: Something you’re accustomed to

But this time you want to pause at it, and see what this pause does. How this input is deconstructed

to several other things. If you learn how to do this, then we’ll transition

from just Sensing to Thinking and then we’ll have stepped

on the road towards Humanity, because before this we were {like livestock rather even more astray from the right way} [25:44] Dr Adbul Rahman: We want to get into

Humanity then. Are you ready? The Host: Ready in sha Allah. Dr Adbul Rahman: Then we’ll see you tomorrow

when you have done your homework. The Host: See you in sha Allah.