THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO BECOMING CONFIDENT | become magnetic | glow up through self-love

you could be the most beautiful person in the world and somehow still think you're ugly you could be the most intelligent person in the world and still think you're stupid you could be the most successful person in the world and still think you're a failure and the same goes the other way around it literally all depends on your mindset hey guys it's Alesia welcome or welcome back to the channel if I'm being honest I want to make this video about confidence for years cuz I took so much pride in being a confident person or should I say confident person but about a year ago literally as I was planning to film this video someone in my life said something to me that stuck with me ever since that day they were like you say you're a confident person but then why you always coming to me for validation and I was like oh I wasn't planning on getting humbled today and I've had a lot of epiphanies in my lifetime a bit too many but this just hit different because I genuinely thought I was a confident person and when I heard that I was like wait am I even confident and the fact that my confidence was that fragile was a dead giveaway that I wasn't actually confident at all I used to base my confidence on things that could easily disappear at any given moment things like validation achievements accomplishments so right when those things got taken away my confidence would go right with it and this is so cliche of me to say but I feel like my acne came back last year for a reason like I used to base my confidence mainly on having clear skin so right when my acne came back I was like oh I hate myself and that was another thing that made me realize that I wasn't actually confident so that's why it's so important to master all three types of confidence and you're probably thinking right now there's three girl what yeah there's three okay I've been yapping way too much we haven't gotten the chance to catch up how are you I missed our little FaceTime calls and do you notice anything different I feel like I gave you a while to notice I got a new [Music] camera don't mind if there's any like awkward lighting changes if it doesn't focus on me or if like something goes wrong cuz I'm still trying to figure this girl out she's really complicated also let me know if you like these sitting down girl talk videos cuz I could literally sit here and Yap to you all day anyway back to the confidence girl talk first I must debunk some conf confidence myths because the way we view confidence as a society is concerning especially because of social media if you didn't know the actual definition of confidence is having so much self assurance that you can appreciate all of your abilities and qualities so basically loving and accepting every aspect of yourself whether it's good or bad and if I had to put the way social media views confidence in a definition it would be loving who you are on social media but not liking your true self so basically faking confidence which actually leads to my next point I'm 100% sure you've heard of fake it till you make it no just just fake it till you make it and making it until you make it works sometimes but not when you apply it to confidence because if you think about it that's just like you subconsciously telling yourself that you care what other people think about you like why would I fake it until I make it just so other people think I'm confident what like I fully stopped using that phrase because it implies that I'm not confident and even if it does work and it makes me confident after my confidence would be based on being a fraud instead tell yourself that you're already confident as an affirmation cuz that like still ties in the manifestation aspect it's just now you're not doing it for others you're doing it for yourself I don't I don't know why I'm looking like ghostly right now this camera's exposure is really high one second okay I fixed it sorry about that there's one thing that I really wanted to say in this video because I made a video about this before people didn't really seem to like it but in the video I talked about how confidence and arrogance are confused a lot more than they should be with each other it's kind of concerning confidence is quiet and magnetic and arrogance is loud and whatever the opposite of magnetic is repulsive confidence is when you're so sure of yourself that you don't feel the need to prove it to any one so you could just like live as your authentic self and be unbothered and then arrogance is when you're so insecure that you feel the need to prove it to others so you put on this like superiority complex to make others feel bad about themselves cuz it makes you feel better so if you're on your journey to becoming confident and someone calls you arrogant don't take it to heart at all don't even don't take it you better swing it hi guys poy brought me food mhm we don't know what those are not really but I know you used to pick them as a kid and eat them did she tell you me and my NOA to pick these during my childhood oh the focus on this camera is so good why is this the best schwarm I've ever had bro it's so good like oh my go she eats like a bird like that's her plate I could eat like 25 time to reapply the lip combo is it just me or do you guys clench your ass cheeks when you focus you know what forget I said that if you haven't already grab you a glass of water grab you some snacks some chips some schwarma and we'll continue the first type of confidence is physical physical confidence which we all know and love and even though physical confidence is stereotypical it's still just as important because it's hard to go through life not liking the way you look or the way you present yourself and the number one thing by far that breaks down people's physical confidence is the fact that they compare themselves to other people and as much as you try not to it is so hard with social media around because people only post the good aspects of their life so it's so easy to compare not only your looks to theirs but your whole lifestyle and what really put things into perspective for me was when somebody came up to me and they were like I wish I had your lifestyle I would literally never complain about anything ever again and I was like what cuz little did they know at that time I was in the worst depression I was ever in I would literally rot in bed all day that was my lifestyle but obviously I didn't post that so nobody had a clue and while we're speaking about social media take a look at what you're posting since almost everybody uses filters and face tune to look perfect obviously we don't want to be the odd one out so we do it too but that's literally just gaslighting others and most importantly yourself of what you actually look like like if you're used to always seeing yourself edited on your Instagram obviously when you look in the mirror you are going to hate what you see it's going to be a jump scar not liking the way you look so much to the point you feel the need to edit yourself is the biggest slap in God's face we're God's biggest Masterpiece he literally handcrafted each and every single one of us and put us on this Earth for what to call ourselves ugly that's like calling him a bad artist I think the most powerful thing somebody could do is be their true authentic self with no shame stop trying to look perfect post the real you because that's the real Perfection and just like God created each of us differently everybody has different opinions on what they think is attractive that's why some people like blondes over bretts and the other way around but you need to have enough love for yourself that if somebody came up to you and was like oh your forehead is humongous I've never seen a forehead that big in my life you literally laugh to yourself because you know you're perfect the way you are and realizing that everybody has different opinions is the key to feeling unbothered if somebody doesn't find you attractive like I've seen people call Zena ugly if that doesn't prove it I don't know what will I've also seen some of the most beautiful talented smart successful women and they hate themselves which is crazy to me but like it's also not that crazy because I'm telling you it's all mindset working out is another easy way to boost your confidence in so many ways because also improves your mental health and whether you want to enhance your muscles lose weight become stronger healthier or just invest in yourself in general all of those things will enhance your confidence tfold but I would always plan to work out like the intention was there it would just you know never happen I started to use this app called train well about 2 and a half maybe 3 months ago now and it's made getting my workouts in so much easier because I actually have someone keeping me accountable and keeping me on a schedule I've always wanted a personal trainer and I don't know why I'm scared to do it in person maybe it's the social anxiety so when I found out that train wall assigns you a personal trainer that works with you through the app I was like sign me up my trainer's name is Amanda and we're lowkey besties now actually highkey I literally only had one call with her a couple of months ago and I just told her that I want to tone my arms abs and booty I told her my schedule all the equipment I have at home and she said let me get to work and ever since Amanda's been creating two personalized workouts for me every week and she mixes them up so I don't get bored because I did tell her I get bored easily I have my workouts every Tuesday and Thursday and I could do them at any time during the day it doesn't matter but sometimes I do miss them but I just catch up the next day and Amanda helps me not to be hard on myself and I think it's so cute that train well asks you what your main goal is on your fitness journey to remind you every time you open that for some little extra motivation you can also log your progress every day like on my fitness journey I'm trying to increase my energy and confidence levels and I can look back at my logs to see if I actually made any progress but I feel like the human connection aspect has been really what's keeping me accountable like I actually get excited to work out which I never thought would come out of my mouth it does definitely help that I love Amanda like she's always supporting me always telling me I did a good job always asking how my week was Amanda if you're watching this and I've always struggled with my form when working out because I just never properly learned but as the app walks you through your personalized workouts it shows you the proper form for everything so it's like there's someone actually there doing it with you and my arms are actually starting to get toned for the first time in forever I know yall see the gains like the problem with me before is that I would work out on and off but never consistently enough to see results and results are exactly what motivate you to keep going cuz if not why would you even do it and train wall has actually been helping me to stay consistent enough to see results so I don't know if I should be thanking them or my Pokey Amanda and you know I got you like always so you can click Link in my description below to get 14 days free with your own personal trainer and don't fear you could switch trainers at any time so if you don't Vibe with them you're not stuck with them I feel like the most important thing to increase your physical confidence is to stop your negative selft talk I don't know who needs to hear it maybe it's you it's probably you stop looking in the mirror trying to find something wrong with yourself obviously if you look in the mirror long enough you're going to find something wrong with yourself that nobody else sees if you're used to always hating on your appearance then obviously it's going to take a while to break that habit but if you make it a habit to turn the negative into positive right away you're going to make make it a habit to always think positive things about yourself like say you're looking in the mirror and you catch yourself calling your nose ugly literally immediately flip it around and be like I love my nose even if you don't believe it literally be delusional sometimes gaslighting is okay speaking of gaslighting when you lack confidence you literally trick your brain into thinking you know exactly what people are saying about you I would say social confidence is the one that people struggle with the most because it's a human thing to care what people think about you even if you are confident and I feel like people think social confidence is thinking that everybody likes you but I saw something that said confidence isn't I know they'll like me it's it won't bother me if they don't true confidence is when you don't have to prove yourself to others because you already know you're worthy you can be the absolute epitome of perfection you can literally descend from heaven and there's still going to be somebody who doesn't like you still think you're ugly still think you're doing something wrong but that's not your problem so you shouldn't make it your problem cuz that's not going to get you anywhere it doesn't matter what you do you can't change the opinion of someone who doesn't like you for no reason once you learn that you can't please everyone you're going to want to please no one so wear what makes you feel confident stick up for yourself live your life the way you want to and not for other people and the thing is I've been knowing all of this but it still wasn't enough to make me not care what other people thought about me but everything changed for me when I saw this one little Tik Tok video I will say it was very confusing and I was already in shambles at the time so I was watching them for the first time like what what do you mean the guy said we think we know what people are thinking about us but we don't really know what they're thinking about us in reality the only thing we know is what we think they're thinking about us you're with me so far I know you are we basically create a mean judgmental version of people in our heads and then use that to think mean things about our ourselves so we made this person mean in our heads but in reality they didn't do or say anything so in the end if you think about it we're the ones judging not the other way around now I just assume that everybody's nice and loves me for me instead of assuming that they're judging me and if they do something to contradict that like being an I don't let it get to me because I assume they're just angry at themselves for something they're projecting onto me just like I used to do so when you think others are judging you it's really just you judging yourself and if I didn't lose you yet I'm probably going to lose you now I'm not who you think I am I'm not who I think I am I'm who I think you think I am why does that sound like a Dr Seuss book but those words literally changed my life also none of them were my words it was straight from the Tik Tok people don't see your insecurities the way you see them they see them as a straight reflection of themselves one of my favorite things to say is that embarrassment is the choice like it's only embarrassing if you're embarrassed embarrassment is literally just your fear of being perceived by other people but people are going to perceive you regardless so you may as well live like nobody's watching like if you trip and fall at home I doubt you'll be as embarrassed as if you trip and fall in public it's just this time people saw you and they're going to forget tomorrow anyway yeah you can mispronounce the word and think about it for the rest of the day or you can just you know laugh it off obviously some things are more embarrassing than others but if you get embarrassed over every single thing you are your own barricade to not becoming confident you have to start trying to act how you think the most confident version of yourself would act and slowly you're going to step into that version of yourself and it's not like you're faking that version of yourself she exists she is you like if you wait until you're confident to start acting confident you're never going to be confident and if you have absolutely no idea how the most confident version of you would act I could tell you four things right now that you could start doing to step into that version of yourself you can tell if somebody's confident when they want to celebrate other people's successes and uplift them the same way you could tell if somebody's insecure when they tear someone down I would say this one's pretty easy if you're you know a good person like if you feel the need to tear other people down I'm surprised you watch my channel trying to engage in conversations even if they're brief this one was particularly hard for me to implement because I have social anxiety and I'm an introvert double homicide but there is a certain way to engage in these conversations because most of the time we use negative selft talk and we don't even realize it I feel like it's so normal to say things like sorry for bothering you but there's this negative intonation that you feel like a burden so you just have to change your wording and be more mindful about it like thank you for your time switching the way you talk about yourself subconsciously shows you and whoever you're talking to that you're confident in who you are also not seeking validation from others whether you're having a conversation or not and I can thank my childhood for being the reason I've been seeking validation my whole life like if you catch yourself even asking something as little as do you like my outfit stop yourself and ask yourself what do I think of my outfit the more you validate yourself the less validation you're going to want from others you just have to make it a habit body language is important because it not only helps you to appear more confident but over time it helps you to feel better about yourself there's so much psychology behind body language like your posture directly tells someone whether you're confident or insecure when someone has an open body language they're a lot more approachable and magnetic compared to someone who closes themselves off I like to think of it as how a model's posture would be on the runway like head up shoulders back standing up straight like they would never walk like this unless you're a Balenciaga model but that's not the point and keeping eye contact when you're conversating with someone is a dead giveaway that you're confident and in control of the conversation but fidgeting like biting your nails looking around shaking your leg is a dead giveaway that you're either nervous or insecure and I still have trouble with that one because even though I'm confident I have raging anxiety so I'd be shaking my leg biting my nails biting my cheeks all the time it's just literally muscle memory at this point I don't even have to be anxious for it to happen I also saw this quote that said start walking into a room like God himself sent you there and that's stuck with me ever since now whenever I walk into a room I walk in with so much confidence because when you think about it God did actually send you there moral of the story once you become confident and are internally happy with yourself that's when it shows to other people so stop trying to impress other people and start trying to impress yourself because that good morning the way that it took me like the rest of the video to find out that my microphone died like Midway through and I it was just complete silence I didn't know you have to charge a microphone who was who was going to tell me this but I feel like it lowkey happened for a reason because now I get to film without makeup and you can see that you can be confident with and without makeup me trying to make myself feel better that 2 hours of footage went to nothing I told you I'm still trying to figure this camera out back to our talk about confidence you know when someone's energy is like magnetic and Majestic that all eyes are literally always on them it's because all people like that have one thing in common they're literally just being their authentic selves and authentic confidence is by far the most important type of confidence because this is where you actually have to look inside yourself I know it's scary but it has to be done when somebody has this type of confidence you could just tell by their energy that they're at peace with themselves you know the saying when you have confidence in someone it means that you trust them the same thing goes for yourself so the key to becoming confident is literally just having trust in yourself and what I mean by that is the fact that we trust that we're good people we trust that we're hardworking we trust that we're talented and you have to actually gain your own trust the same way you would someone else is by showing up for yourself like if you keep promising and promising yourself that you're going to go to the gym and you never do that's going to tell your brain that you can't be trusted your brain is going to be like okay so I'm supposed to believe the same girl that's lying to me about going to the gym isn't lying to me about being pretty your brain doesn't know the difference that's why it's all about keeping promises to yourself because over time you're not going to wonder if you're lazy or not if if you're diligent or not you've proved that to yourself over and over again because you show up when you say you're going to show up it'll get to the point that if someone comes up to you and they're like you're lazy you won't even suck and guess it you'll be like hell no I'm not because of how much confidence you have in yourself you have to know yourself so much to the point no one can make you suck and guess yourself that's why the way you think of yourself is so important because if you keep lying to yourself saying you're going to do or not do things and you never hold yourself accountable over time you're going to have no respect left for yourself and you can literally Master physical and social confidence but once your self-respect leaves so does every ounce of your confidence like there was a time last year where I loved myself on the outside but I didn't truly like myself on the inside I would never hold myself accountable my values were easily swayed by other people I would constantly tell myself I wasn't doing enough and I cared too much about what other people thought about me and if you feel attacked right now don't feel bad because that means you already got the self-awareness aspect down which is actually the hardest part for most people but now I'm happy to say I'm at the point where I do hold myself accountable I have strong values that I'm rooted in I'm proud of myself I don't care what other people think about me overall I'm just really happy happy with who I am as a person and trusting yourself also means trusting what you're capable of and what you're deserving of in life and this is important because it directly correlates to how you're going to live your life like if you compare somebody that trusts that they deserve the best to somebody that trusts they have bad luck and deserve the worst who do you think has the better life sadly it's literally impossible to change the way your brain thinks overnight but you could start doing things literally right now to change the way your brain thinks about yourself over time like being forgiving to yourself is so important because it reminds us that we're still worthy even if we mess up and that was literally taught to us by God himself self so if he thinks we're always worthy of forgiveness why don't we think the same like living with guilt is a little life hack if you want to hate yourself and never trust yourself in the slightest and if you're not going to be your biggest cheerleader who will at the end of the day no matter how many people are rooting for you if you're not rooting for yourself no one else's support will matter you have to encourage yourself to make the best out of every day to take more risks try new things leave your comfort zone don't talk yourself out of living a fulfilling life why would you do that and this also means being compassionate to yourself like if I spoke to my friends the way I used to speak to myself I would have no friends like one of the main differences between someone who's confident and someone who's not confident is the way they speak to themselves someone who's always loving and supporting themselves even if they're just doing it quietly is unknowingly boosting their confidence by the day so try to start paying attention to how you speak to yourself because if you're always speaking to yourself negatively it's going to be hard to even want to live with yourself in general it took me being out of school to realize that you know what maybe knowledge is in fact power and I couldn't wait to get out of school like I thought I was sick of learning but I was just sick of learning things that I had no interest in so even if you're in school try to take the time time out of your day to learn things that you're actually interested in because I promise you it'll have an immediate effect on your confidence and learning doesn't always have to be boring like if you're interested in art watch a YouTube video on new techniques if you're interested in languages do a lesson on dualingo or watch a couple movies in different languages it just gives you a sense of like leveling yourself up and makes you trust your abilities more people who know they're educated see themselves so differently compared to someone who thinks they're uneducated and I can tell you that for a fact because when I was in school I took so much pride in being an intelligent smart person but when I first got out of school as the days went on I literally felt myself getting more and more uneducated I felt stupid so I literally started to get insecure during every conversation I had because I would be like oh wow this person's a lot smarter than me I'm literally dumb so educating yourself on things that actually interest you will not only boost your confidence but fulfill you at the same time being okay with failure is such an important quality to have both in life and confidence-wise like there are three ways a situation can go you can either avoid the situation altogether because you're terrified of failure but then you're stuck with the thought that you actually could have succeeded if you just tried or you can jump into it knowing that you may fail and even if you do fail at least you tried and learned something along the way that you can use next time to make you more confident in the best case scenario you jump into it knowing that you may fail and you succeed anyway you have to think of it as what's the worst case scenario that someone's going to make fun of you if you fail who cares Would You Rather somebody make fun of you for literally 2 seconds or live with the guilt of not even trying as long as you're always willing to try things and keep trying you're going to grow along the way and your confidence is going to grow right with you okay if you're still watching first of all I love you second of all good because this is the most important part the most important thing you can do is get to know everything about yourself including the bad parts like you may think you know everything about yourself because you are yourself but do you really know yourself or just the version of yourself that you're presenting to others have you actually taken the time to acknowledge and accept the bad parts of yourself that you're ashamed of probably not and I'm sure you've heard of it before but that's what your Shadow Self is it's the parts of yourself that you repress because you're either ashamed or you just never aware so accepting your Shadow Self is being confident because confidence is fully accepting both the good and bad parts of yourself so you're probably thinking well why can't I just like go to therapy and get rid of the bad parts but that's not how it works because they're a part of you everybody has flaws and since you can't fully get rid of them you may as well accept them and I feel like that's probably one of the main things blocking most people from being confident because they either act like their flaws just don't exist or they try to get rid of them but if you keep telling yourself you're somebody you're not and hopes that you'll eventually become that person you're actually just pushing yourself farther and farther away from accepting yourself as you are because then when those parts of yourself do come out and they will trust me you'll feel triggered confused and ashamed of yourself compared to if you already accepted those parts of yourself you're not going to feel phased when they come out like our brains are so complex to the point they could be our best friend or our biggest enemy it's just up to you on how you want to hardwire it just being aware of what you have to do is the easy part actually remembering to implement everything and stay consistent that's the hard part and you can actually make your brain help you along the way because it believes whatever you tell it even if you don't believe it yet as long as you're willing to try to put the time into healing yourself that's all that matters think about it the more you try the more you grow like true confidence Begins the moment you agree to try I fear one of my toxic traits is even after learning what to do like an in-depth step-by-step tutorial I'm like okay um so where do I start and the answer to that is baby steps girl it doesn't matter where you start it doesn't even matter how much you implement at once it just matters that you're doing something even if it's just one thing you're being consistent with you can't let your fear or failure take over your desire to become confident okay wait now that I'm actually thinking about it maybe getting over your fear fear getting over your fear of fear fear of what I this isn't a joke try to say fear of failure five times fast fear failure fear fear fear fear anyway as I was saying maybe getting over your fear of failure is a good place to start confidence is so important and I feel like this may actually be the most important video on my channel for girls to watch because I feel like most people forget that being insecure isn't just not liking the way you look or covering your face when a picture is getting taken of you insecurity can mean being so hard on yourself that you fully lose motivation to keep going but that is based off my experience so I can't lie there probably is a little sprinkle of depression in there but girl take it from me building real true confidence that can't be broken takes time like I was planning to film this video last year but I wasn't confident enough and I'm just now becoming confident enough to film this because when you're so rooted in your ways it takes time not to care what other people think about you to fall back in love with your features it takes time to heal and sometimes you won't feel like you're doing enough because you won't see progress right away or sometimes you'll see more progress than others but you actually have to be willing to go on the journey to becoming confident and it's a long and hard road but in the end it'll be worth it I really hope this video was able to help you out in whatever way that may be sorry I've been yapping for like how long hey okay two things first of all don't mind this juicy ass pimple that I just popped thank you second of all I wanted to give one more thank you to train well for sponsoring this video I love working out and I love that I get to promote it because of you guys and don't forget that you can click my QR code or the link in my description to get 14 days free with your own personal trainer yeah you get up and work out girl I love you with my whole heart I'll see you in the next one [Music]