Stop getting TRIGGERED ft. Evy Poumpouras | Meet your Maestro | BBC Maestro

The first part of the course is understanding yourself. You have to understand yourself first before you try to figure out other people. I want you to think of it this way. You're 50% of the equation. They are 50% of the equation. So, we can't figure out other people if we don't know who you are. And when I say this, I mean your strengths, your weaknesses, what's going on with you, your patterns, your behavior, how you think, how you speak, how you problem solve, or maybe don't problem solve so well. You have to assess yourself because here's the thing. You impact the world. You do. We're so focused sometimes on the other person that we don't realize, what am I doing that is impacting the other person? What am I doing that's affecting the other person? We're so isolated and we forget about ourselves. We play a role and that role can really either enhance our relationships, our lives, our situations or it can crush it. Self-awareness is your ability to understand what is going on around you, your 360. So what does that mean? It means the people around you. It means the environment that you are creating and cultivating. It means how you handle individuals. It is a legit thing. It is a real thing. If your world and the people around you are strong, guess what? You're going to be strong. If the people around you are weak or they're a hot mess, guess what? You're going to be. We absorb other people. We take in and we mirror them. We mirror not just their behavior, but even the way they deal with the world, the way they show up. People are contagious. They're infectious. They will infect you with what they feel and what they think and how they move in their life. And it can impact you in a strong way or it can pull you down. To be an effective problem solver and to understand how to deal with things, you have to have self-awareness. You can't have self-awareness if you don't live in truth. You can't have self-awareness when you bend things, when you when you shift the story, when you shift the narrative to make it fit what you want it to fit. You can do that, but then you're not having true self-awareness. You're living in a fictional place. And then when you try to tackle problems or dilemmas, you can't because you're building a plan around something that isn't accurate. It's not about what we want things to be, it's about what it is. It's not about the potential something could have. It's about where it is right now. It's not about how it used to be. It's how it is now. Be honest with yourself and live where you are now. We cannot let you cannot let the outside world impact you so much that it completely derails you. We're going to talk about your self-regulation. What is that? Your self-regulation is your governor. The governor that handles your emotional self. You have to think of it like how do I handle what comes at me? There's a difference. There's reactive and there's responsive. Reactive is I am simply a reactionary force to what is done. She did this to me. I'm going to react. It's not my fault I blew up. She said this. That is very low when it comes to the self-governer. Responsive is she does something to me. I may feel what I'm going to feel but I am regulating it. I'm going to think. I'm going to process. I'm going to regulate. Then I am going to respond. When you do this, you own your response, not them. Because when you are triggered, when you are offended, that means you have no governor over yourself. Everybody can do anything they want to you and completely derail you. The one thing you can do to help yourself when you're easily triggered or manipulated or when you feel those those emotions boiling, do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don't text it. Don't send it. Don't write it. Don't call. Do nothing. Step away. And you can do it for a couple hours. You could do it for 24 hours. You could do it for a week. Or you can never respond. Do nothing is gold. I want you to feel the emotion. Lean into it. Don't avoid what you're feeling. Let it roll through you. Do you follow? Catch it, but then release it. Don't keep it in you and then hold it in. Because now you're just one big stress ball. You're just one big mess of emotion. We want to absorb, release, and then move through. Other thing I'm going to tell you to do, and I do this all the time, run it out of you. Work out. Working out and fitness are a massive thing. It was drilled to us in the US Secret Service. I mean, I would run through all the emotions. You have to think all day. All you're doing is capturing stuff, people's dramas and traumas and all the things going on in the world that you're absorbing. You need a release. And the movement of your body and the ability to release is huge. In fact, I work out at night and the reason why I do it is because I want to release all the stuff that I capture in the day. So, really think about the things that you can do to help yourself. Most important thing remember when in doubt do nothing say nothing and then two move it out of your system. Get it out of you. You don't want to collect stuff. You want it to come in and then you want it to exit out. You have to know when it is your problem and when it's not and this clearly was not. When you seek respect outside of yourself, you get derailed. So here's a secret. I'm about to free you. You don't need respect. People will distract you and derail you from what you are trying to do if you don't pay attention. Respect is wonderful. Don't get me wrong. If somebody gives it to you, great. But there are times that no matter what you do that no matter how hard you try, you are not going to get it. Leave it. You don't need it. Respect is a gift. If somebody wants to give it to you, they will. And if they don't, they won't. Leave it there. What is your goal? Is your goal to execute something? People are going to come along the way. They're going to derail you. They're going to confuse you. They're going to disrespect you. But you have to stay on track. You have to stay on mission. Where are you trying to go? Because if you don't pay attention, they're going to pull you off your path. Also to keep in mind this whole respect thing, trying to get everybody to respect you. Speak up. Own the room. Let them see you. Why? Why do you need that? Are you that insecure that you need that from everybody else to validate you so that you know your self worth? No, you don't. That's what self-respect means. I know who I am. I know the integrity of who I am and how I show up to the world. I'm going to do me in the best way and I will give respect to other people. We don't want to disrespect others. We're going to give it because it's the right thing for us and it's the image we want to project out to the world. But what people choose to give you back, not your problem. Please don't get me wrong. It's nice when people like you. We all want that. We It's nice when people respect us. We all want those sentiments and feelings. But the problem becomes if you make that your goal and your focus. Now you're trying to get into the head of somebody else to understand why they see you the way they do. How about this? How about you focus on being solid? How about you focus on being on time? How about you focus on doing what you say you're going to do? How about you focus on being respectful and courteous? How about you focus on all these different things and then allow people to organically show you respect? then allow them to organically like you because otherwise you're going to sit and you're going to run through these mental loops in your head and make yourself crazy trying to figure out why does this person not like me. So this is why you need to kick likability to the curb. It is not about whether or not people like you because when you focus on that, you're focusing on you and that doesn't serve others and quite frankly it doesn't serve you.