Trump Lashes Out at the Pope AGAIN, Posts an A.I. Jesus Pic AGAIN & Distracts from Iran AGAIN!

I am happy I am the show. That's very kind. Thank you. Thank you for watching. Thanks for coming out to see us at our home here in um please relax in beautiful sunny Southern California. I'm um glad you're in a good mood. You know, it's April 15th. It's tax day. Uh although you could make a case that every day since November of 2024 has been taxing, but today is officially that special time of the year when we all pitch in to pay for Melania's new plane. And why is it I was about to say why is it we don't learn about we learn nothing about taxes in high school. Instead, we are we learn like how to calculate the volume of a cylinder. That's not helpful. Hey, here's a fun tax day tip. Take however much you owed in taxes this year. Let's say you owed $50,000. Subtract that number from the same number. Subtract $50,000 from $50,000. And you know what you get? You get the amount Donald Trump paid in taxes this year. >> Tax filing is next week. And if you listen to the people, they can't believe all the money they're getting back in the form of refunds. The number is 5,000, 6,000, $7,000. So be careful. Get the money back. And remember who got it for you. The guy who drove us another $3 trillion into debt. Is that the guy? He got it for us. That's our money. You didn't get anything for us. You take from us. That's all you do. Remember 10 years ago? It's funny how we just let this go, but 10 years ago when Trump was running, he said he couldn't release his taxes because they were still under audit, which was unverifiable. But he said he would as soon as they weren't being audited, and he didn't. And when remember when we found out he paid a total of $750 in taxes in 2016 and $750 thou not thousand $750 in 2017? Every president since Jimmy Carter has released his tax returns while in office with only one exception. You want to guess who it is? >> Has the president filed his taxes and is he going to release them publicly? >> It's actually a very good question. I have not inquired uh with the president directly about his own taxes, but I'm happy to do so. We'll get you an answer on that. >> Yes. And you you will never hear from me again because although I will say Trump's accountant said his tax returns are the strongest and healthiest returns he's ever seen. They're hung like a horse. He has um no dependence, but a lot of depends. And I'm sure he'll be playing plenty. Lots of stores offered tax day deals today. Uh, Crispy Cream had a deal today where if you buy a dozen donuts, you get a second dozen free. And I think we can all agree that there is nothing more American than paying your taxes and then eating 24 donuts by yourself. There are thousands and thousands of licensed tax professionals here in the United States. That's a lot of competition, which means some of them around this time of the year, like this clever shop out of Houston, have to get creative. >> Come and fight your Texas. Come and file your taxes. You know you want that cash advance. You want that cash advance. You better file file file file file. >> Hey foul f. Hey hey hey. Come to boss up. We going to hook you up. We going to make sure you get that max refund. You got a couple kids and you a single baby mom. Don't worry about it little girl. Oh, that's my job. Well, Ernst and Young are a lot more fun than I would have guessed. Uh, meanwhile, our Darthy Vader president is lashing out at the Pope again. This is how he operates. He does something dumb. Everyone around him tries to clean it up for him and then he just does it again. He's mad at the Pope for being against war and lashed out last night just before midnight, which is not helping his I'm not the Antichrist campaign. And then this morning, you know that image Trump posted of himself as Jesus and claimed it was a doctor. Well, this time uh he posted another one. It was not him as Jesus, but with Jesus. He posted this image of Jesus quietly begging him to stop. You know, I don't know if you know this, but he, you know, he thinks artists make these. He thinks they're paintings for real. He doesn't realize this is an AI thing. And check out the chin and cheekbones on. Somebody is somebody's been looks maxing. Uh, here's another one. Trump didn't post this, but I'm sure he will get to it. This one shows Jesus looking over Trump's shoulders as he reads the Epstein files. He's like, "You're going to hell for this and this and this." You know, it's been a long time since God smited someone. We are now on day three of Hormuza Palooa. We still can't seem to get a straight answer on what's going on over there. Trump says the straight is closed, but he also says it's open. It's whatever you want it to be. Gas prices are skyhigh, but our Secretary of Energy, Chris Wright, is confident that whatever the president is doing is good, even if it isn't. God bless President Trump's agenda and willingness to pivot. Just because it looks like we're going the wrong direction does not mean that's the direction we're going. This is why his wife won't drive with him. Trump is desperate to change the narrative right now and sat for a doozy of an interview with Maria Barrett Romo who like everyone is curious as to when this war might be over. I had to divert because if I didn't do that right now, you would have Iran with a nuclear weapon and if they had a nuclear weapon, you would be calling everybody over there, sir. And you don't want to do that. >> Well, you keep saying was. Is this war over? >> I think it's close to over here. I I mean, I view it as very close to over. Honestly, Maria, I have no idea what's happening or what I'm doing. I said CO was over two years before it was over. Did you know that before they made me president, I hosted a reality TV show? >> Did you see that Britain suffered the biggest growth forecast downgrade in the G7? >> Yeah. Well, >> so their economy is impacted. >> It's the UK. I would say this. They got to stop with the windmills and they got to open up the North Sea. >> They got to stop with the windmills. You have to stop with the windmills. What is with HIM AND THE WINDMILLS? Every every problem comes back to windmills. Every day I become more convinced that Trump's father used to beat him with a miniature golf club in the shadow of a windmill. And then John Kiote managed to steer the conversation into yet another of his old man's story loops. You can call it the straight of hormones or the harmon straight. I said, "Which is better?" They said, "Either is okay, but you can call it either one. The only thing you can't call it is the Trump strait. They don't like that idea. By the way, speaking of that, I did a thing that people like very much except for Mexico. I took the Gulf of Mexico and we now call it the Gulf of America. That's not bad. >> Well, thank Wow. Thanks for telling us. I don't think you've ever mentioned that before. That's GMO. Did you know he changed the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America? >> No idea. >> Oh, wow. And no one calls him on it. Everyone just nods like it's the first time they've heard this. I don't know if you've noticed, but he's also now laying the groundwork for his excuse for why it won't be his fault when the Republicans lose the midterms. >> Why is it that a voter votes for the opposite party, even when you have a good president? I think I had the greatest year, the greatest opening year. I've read the greatest. Look, I ended eight wars. A ninth is coming, but I ended eight wars. Nobody's ever ended one war. Who's ended one? Nobody. I ended eight. >> That's right. Nobody's Every war in history is still going on because no one ever ended one except him who ended eight. But and a ninth is coming. Do you get credit for ending a war you started? I don't think you do. This war is going so poorly for Trump, he may need Melania to hold another surprise press conference just to get Epstein back in the news again. Trump's now former attorney general, Pam Bondi, could be held in contempt for failing to testify. She was supposed to appear before the House Oversight Committee yesterday. The Department of Justice is claiming that she's allowed to ignore their subpoena because she's no longer attorney general, which is not how it go. If you work at Starbucks and you punch a customer, you can't just quit and say barista me punch that dude regularly is off the hook. Pam Bondi has a lot to answer for. More than a year ago, she claimed she had the Epstein client list sitting on her desk. That was her quote. And then all of a sudden, she didn't have it. Unfortunately, Republicans on the committee like Lauren Boowbert and Tim Burchett are indicating they may let her off the hook, which is outrage. They forced Hillary Clinton to testify. Pam Bondi needs to show up and lie under oath just as scheduled. And then we have Katie Vance, who according to the latest polling is the least popular vice president in more than two decades. Weirdly, Americans don't seem to be responding to JD's infectious charisma. Maybe maybe it's time for a new eyeliner. I don't know. But JD Vance may be deeply unpopular, but you wouldn't know it from this sitting room only crowd in um Athens, Georgia yesterday. >> I I I it doesn't bother me when he speaks on issues of the day. Frankly, even when I disagree with how he's applying original principles. So, >> there were more people in the theater to see the Melania documentary than JD Vance. JD has had a rough week. He failed to make a deal to end the war in Iran. He had to defend Trump bashing the Pope and the AI Jesus stuff. And now he's made it his job to try to pretend his boss wasn't a close friend of the world's most notorious pedophile. One of the emails is about Donald Trump on Jeffrey Epstein to the local sheriff saying, "This guy's a scumbag. You should go and pick him up." So when Donald Trump says when the president says this is a hoax, he's not saying it's a hoax that Epste was the scumbag. He's not saying that it's a hoax that Epste was connected to powerful people. He's saying this Democratic idea that somehow he was Epste's best friend, that is A HOAX. >> OH, NOW it's clear they weren't best friends. They were just extremely horny acquaintances together. By the way, you think Trump and JD Vance have ever had a conversation about this where JD asked him, "What actually happened with Jeffrey Epste?" Not a chance. He's pulling every bit of this out of his ass. If you look at the emails, it's obvious that Jeffrey Epste hated Donald J. Trump. And by the way, one of the best signs for whether you're a good person or not, for whether you're a decent human being, is if the worst people in the world hate your guts. The fact that Jeffrey Epste hates Donald J. Trump is a pretty good thing for Donald J. Trump. >> What does it say if the Pope doesn't like you? Is that a good sign, right? For Donald J. Trump. Donald J. Trump. Whenever they say Donald J. Trump, that's when you know something is up. Not only has Trump publicly said Jeffrey Epstein was a terrific guy who was a lot of fun to hang around with. Not only they have Epstein on tape saying I was Donald's closest friend for 10 years, there is a videotape of them dancing and checking out chicks together. And you could see how intensely the dislike is here. Look at them. Look at those two non friends having a terrible time. And he's still dancing around Epstein many, many years later. You know, there are a lot of cooks in this Trump administration. Somehow though, they keep coming. My new favorite character is this guy Greg Phillips. I don't know if you've been following the story, but Greg Phillips is a a Trumploving, he's third in command at FEMA who claims to have teleported to a Waffle House. And not just a Waffle House, he said he once collapsed at a Lowe's and woke up at a McDonald's with 15,000 steps logged and a Big Mac in his lap. And CNN says he said Satan once spoke to him while he walked across Spain. Um, now since CNN broke the story, the White House reportedly told FEMA to either remove Phillips or keep him out of public view. And if you're wondering how crazy a member of the Trump club has to be to be kept out of public view, the answer is this much. >> So I'm uh a few hundred meters from the location where they had the encounter with with Satan. Katherine, can I say something? >> Mhm. >> I would like to punch that in the mouth right now. >> Who are we talking about? >> Biden. He is a nasty, crappy human being and he deserves to die and I hope he does. >> Satan lied to me. He convinced me to pour out my water bottle to reduce my pack weight. >> I tell you, teleporting is no fun. I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was. They said, "Where are you?" I said, "A waffle house." They said, "Waffle house where?" And I said, "Well, last in Rome, Georgia." I said, "That's not possible. You just left here like a moment ago." But it was possible. It was real. >> Oh, yeah. We believe you. Of course it was real. Uh, can you imagine that when an emergency happens, this man is third in command in the whole country? Just when you think this administration can't get any nuttier. >> Excuse me. I ordered a sausage link with this. >> Hey, where the hell am I? Wait a minute. Are you Greg Phillips from FEMA? >> Yes. Wait, are you Jimmy Fallon? >> Close enough. Close enough. We were just talking about you. >> Where am I? >> You're in Hollywood. You're in a television studio. >> How did I get here? >> I don't know how you got here. I have no idea. >> What's this? >> I was just at a Waffle House eating an All-Star breakfast combo, as you can see. And now I'm here. I think I might have teleported. But Greg though, that's crazy. So there must be some other explanation. >> That's not what Satan told me at the Masters. >> You spoke to Satan at the Masters? Did Satan play golf? >> No. No. No. But all of his friends do. >> Oh, >> yeah. And you'll never guess what he told me about our nation's greatest president, Donald J. Trump. >> What did he tell you? >> Can I speak freely? >> Oh, yes. You are among friends here. Go ahead. >> Good. The Dark Lord told me that the Epstein files were written by a secret cabal of radical leftist transgender ILLUMINAZIS WHO ARE PLOTTING to Greg. What are they plotting? Greg, what are they? >> Well, I I guess we'll never find out. GMO, when a man comes crawling at me on the floor, aren't you supposed to do something about it? That's >> Well, he disappeared too fast. >> Oh, okay. >> You know, with all this madness happening, it's easy to forget that ICE is still out there rounding people up and sending them who the hell knows where. But there are also still Americans out there fighting the good fight. You know, in February, the protesters in Minneapolis held an event called Operation Dildo Blitz. They brought a battalion of rubber sex toys. Sometimes you have to fight dildos with dildos. And I guess this idea is catching on because there have been dildo blitzes in this is um Los Angeles. There was a dildo blitz. Uh that one is another one here in LA. In Portland, Oregon, there were just dildos all over the place. Where they get these dildos? I don't know. Maybe from the Rudy Giuliani collection, but it's a nice and harmless way to let ice know what you think of them. I mean, all those this El Nino is nuts, RIGHT? ALL THE HEY. A. >> GREG, what's going on? You're back. What? >> I guess so. >> Were you in Hawaii? >> Uh, no. I was at a Hawaiian themed wedding IN ORLANDO. >> OH, >> ALOHA, EVERYONE. >> OH, GREG. WOULDN'T SHOULDN'T YOU maybe teleport back to FEMA headquarters to get ready for the hurricane season? >> Yeah, I probably should. Uh here, hold my ham. >> Okay. Thank you. >> And uh >> this dildo that somebody uh crazy glued to my car windshield. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you can keep that. Why don't you take that back to FEMA? Sure. >> Yeah. I think the gang back there would like it. Huh? >> Alexa, TELEPORT. >> All right. Well, there you go. Well, we have a good show tonight. Paul Walter Hower is here. We got ham for everybody. And we'll be right back with Bob Odenberg.