جلسات #مع_نفسي 30 ... مفهوم التزكية وتقدير النفس – نصائح الختام والخلاصة

Dr Abdul Rahman: Hello and Eid Mubarak.

The Host: Hello Doctor. Dr Abdul Rahman: We started at the beginning of Ramadan and

here we are now ending the sessions, Subhan Allah. One of the things about Ramadan

is that it is a generous visitor. The Host: True

Dr Abdul Rahman: It visits without asking for anything in return, Subhanallah Rather it comes carrying gifts for you

and Allah knows who receives them. The Host: The clever ones are those that can

receive as much as possible. Dr Abdul Rahman: SubhanAllah, subhanAllah. Yes! The Host: Last session you promised us

that you will give us an Eid Gift. Before that, I have a question.

Go ahead. Yesterday we were talking about

purging & cultivation. How are they related to the concept of

self-value that we spoke about? Dr Abdul Rahman: Nice, unfortunately the term “value”

-I didn't want to get into personal development- The Host: Again?

Dr Abdul Rahman: But I am forced to. The Host: We are going to conclude so we must. Dr Abdul Rahman: The term self-esteem is widely used in

personal development workshops and a lot of people mix it

with the term “self-Value” They would say: “I have to trust myself,

how to have high self-esteem, how to influence etc.” That’s a dangerous meaning,

What do we say in our daily Dhikr? “Oh Allah don’t leave me to depend on

myself for a blink of an eye” How can you say that

and say that you want to trust yourself when you don’t want Allah

to leave you dependent on it? I know some preachers and religious scholars use

the term “self-esteem” with good intentions, but I believe it’s better to get accustomed

to the term “Trust in Allah” Because if I broke down, or failed

and I “trust myself”, what would happen to me? However when I trust in Allah,

then Allah’s rope is strong, so even when I fail, lose or become weak

and fell, Allah SWT is always there! The next part, the term “Value”(Taqdeer),

Where does it come from? “Knowing something’s value”,

What does it mean? The Host: Know their value, meaning show respect?

Dr Abdul Rahman: It has multiple meanings, There is the meaning of “Al-Qadr”(Magnitude)

and there is “Al-Taqdeer” (Weigh up), Like when you weigh up something So, the term “Taqdeer” means to “know your value”

To know its strengths and weaknesses. The Host: To know how much it weighs.

Dr Abdul Rahman: Exactly! To know how much it weighs Therefore when you say “I value my self”

I know my strengths and weaknesses. And we go back to the example of Ka’ab ibn Malik,

He knew himself well. "I remember the night of Aqaba, and I know that

I never went against the prophet, I know that my self overpowered me

and my temptations were strong, This is self-value.

Therefore when we talk about purging and cultivation, I know myself and its weaknesses

and impurities so I purge it. I know what I have and what I need so I cultivate it,

and amidst that I value myself. The Host: Yes, we go back to the Eid gift.

Dr Abdul Rahman: Alright sir, actually it is a difficult mission. Do you remember when we started

I mentioned a summary, and said that we will go in detail

during these sessions and will come back to it in the end? The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: Perhaps you remember that I said

what I want from you and everyone in a nutshell If people act by this I will meet my Lord

with good conscience, what is it? To make Allah your first priority,

to recognize your self-value, to introspect, to accept your weakness, to regulate inputs

to purge yourself from impurities, to cultivate yourself with what it needs from the

Fiqh of day & night that we mentioned last session. After all of this you need to keep working,

and consistently purify yourself and be persistent on practising,

practising, and practising… Do you remember the statement from Ibn-AlQayyim?

Repetition breeds habit? You can’t just stop at:

“Oh Allah! These sessions are beautiful!” Okay… then what?

What are you going to do after Ramadan? You will stop, that is not right!

The work continues until you meet your Lord, and you will remain in this perpetual state of work

until you meet Allah: {And those who strive in Our (cause),-

We will certainly guide them to our Paths} (29:69) The summary I need from people:

First, recognize Allah’s value and that He is The reference. Know the value of yourself, practice introspection,

accept your weaknesses, regulate the inputs, purge yourself from impurities,

cultivate yourself with what it needs Keep doing this until you meet Allah SWT

Don’t forget to pray Don’t forget to achieve tranquillity

in your prayer as we discussed Don’t forget the importance of purging

Don’t forget the importance of expression Don’t forget to give something new

to yourself every day Don’t forget the knowledge for succession

Don’t forget Islamic knowledge Don’t forget entertainment If we remember this,

I believe we will be with Allah’s grace, we would have given ourselves

the bare minimum of needed purification Let’s remember that we are mere creatures,

not gods nor creators. We are weak, we have needs, and all that we spoke

regarding needs, pain, pleasure, tranquillity happiness, satisfaction, hardships, struggles,

heaven, earth, and all that talk. I believe if we understood all this-

It’s true that in the beginning we had theoretical concepts

and some wanted to go to the crux of the topic but believe me, based on my experience

if we were to directly get into the crux, people would have wondered:

“What are you basing your points on?” "How can I know if what you are saying is right or wrong?”

"How do I even perceive how I think or reason?” Therefore, once again: Allah first, learn about yourself,

accept your weakness, regulate inputs purge the impurities,

cultivate yourself with what it needs then practice,practice, and practice

until you meet Allah SWT and remember that tranquillity is easy

happiness is easy, it is a choice! I choose to be miserable or happy, simple

or complicated, I make the choice! I think these are my final remarks that

includes all that we’ve mentioned. Let me ask you, what did you find the most

intriguing during these sessions? Or more intriguing than others?

The Host: Wallah everything was intriguing, because a lot of the points you mentioned

were new to me, but perhaps the most intriguing one

was the concept of expression. Dr Abdul Rahman: Nice, expression. The Host: Because we feel like we have a lot of things

inside us that we wish we said earlier and not expressing it is a major reason

behind his psychological state. Dr Abdul Rahman: So expression.

The Host: Yes, and the topic of purging as well. Dr Abdul Rahman: Purging, nice.

The Host: Yes, it was very impactful. The topic of Cultivation as well

and how we are falling short. Dr Abdul Rahman: The bare minimum!

I care about the bare minimum in cultivation! You reminded me of a message I received

from someone that suffers from OCD She was diagnosed with it, she said:

“Doctor, I thank you for the bare minimum, that which I thought does not mean much

started meaning so much to me” Another sister sent the same message: that the day that meant nothing to her before,

started feeling like an achievement We have to stop degrading ourselves

and thinking “Will Allah even accept this?” Allah accepts, He is Most Generous

You are at the door of the Most Generous what’s important is to not think badly of Him

To think well of Him first, and then think well about yourself. The Host: Correct. One of the good things that

stuck with me is that a person travels this dunya in search for one thing:

That is Allah and attaining His pleasure Dr Abdul Rahman: That’s how it should be The Host: And when we let go of pleasing people,

and that it’s not as important to please them as it is to please Allah, this mindset

alleviates so much pressure from a person Dr Abdul Rahman: I think you -unintentionally- just directed me

to the last topic with which I intended to end our sessions. This will be the real Eid gift.

The material of Fiqh Nafs is approximately 4000 slides The Host: 4000?

Dr Abdul Rahman: Yes, approximately 4000 slides The Host: We discussed the summarised version of it

as a take-away Dr Abdul Rahman: Do you know which slide is the most important?

The slide containing: (Allah - Myself - Others) I tell people, if you could live by this sequence, as it is, you won’t need Fiqh An-Nafs, nor courses. There are people who live this concept

without attending any workshop! Allah first, then the self, followed by the others.

Why is it the most important slide? because it summarises everything,

but it requires knowledge, In order to know Allah,

you must learn who He is, to recite His words, to understand the names and attributes of Allah,

to understand the meaning of Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem, Al-Kareem, Al-Qadir, Al-Jabbar, Al-Muheet, Al-Wassi’, Al-Muqeet.

We don’t know! We know what people tell us about Allah,

but we don’t listen to His words about Himself What I want to say: If we could drop others from

our concern, people are not lords, Allah is The Lord. If people get mad let them!

In the end, I want Allah’s pleasure, "Whoever seeks Allah's pleasure by the people's wrath..”

These are just words to us, "Whoever seeks Allah's pleasure by the people's wrath,

Allah will be pleased with him, and He will make people pleased with him,

even if it takes time. And whoever seeks the people's pleasure by Allah's wrath,

he will get Allah’s wrath, and the wrath of people. ” Remember when I mocked what I call

fraudulent music [Classical Music], we have generations that grew up on idolising others,

“Before my eyes saw you, you are the first and last, life without you is torture” and similar words,

and most song lyrics [are the same], we need to rethink once again.

and I end this with a few beautiful poetic verses, It’s from a story about Al-Shaima’,

the prophet’s sister, when her husband was an infidel and she loved him but he refused

to become a muslim, so she said: “Oh my wounded one, who is unaware of my wound

how many dead in passion without a weapon, you were my provision, wealth and love

that held me in the evening and the morning your connection to me has become forbidden

I wish my heart would release me, have we parted or are we about to seperate

are we over or is there love left whenever our paths meet

you persist for our footsteps to part oh wounded one whose precious blood is spilled

my wound for you is in fire and flame” Look at the ending: “My Lord forgive me if I said I love him,

I only wish for his heart to see, if my love for him is a sin, then

I only wish by seeking forgiveness, His Lord guides him My Lord his path has been distanced from mine

If you do not guide him, I will love him no longer.” If we were to absorb this message,

If we were to attach ourselves to Allah this is a message to every husband,

to every wife, to every father, to every mother

overly-attached to her children, to every son and daughter

overly-attached to their mother or father, to every friend

overly-attached to their friend, make Allah the priority in your lives,

give yourself solitude, test yourselves by shutting off the phone

for 2 hours everyday before you sleep, I know it is hard, but by Allah you will

find refuge in a paradise beyond your imagination, and you’ll wonder where you were before?

I end it here with a phrase from Ibn-AlQayim "People find more difficulty in leaving habits

if they left it for people than they do for Allah” I quit smoking and cigarettes for my girlfriend’s sake,

for a creature, I left a friend for my other friend’s sake,

for a creature, It’s still for the weak, the creature. “People find more difficulty in leaving habits

for people than they do for Allah” “but who leaves it purely for the sake of Allah”

What will happen to him? Immediate happiness? No, reflect on the organic

psychology of Ibn-AlQayyim: “It will be difficult initially, and that is to test

his determination for leaving that habit” You would say “I left them for you Allah”?

You’ll be tested, “If he is patient”. If he is slightly patient for a friend he left, etc,

“If he is patient it turns into joy” “and the greatest compensation he gets,

feeling the company of Allah!” If a person is capable of coming out of Ramadan

accomplishing a sense of peace in the company of Allah, at that moment you will find joy

in a wife’s little actions, from your kid, a piece of bread,

yoghurt, and plain clothes, etc. By Allah, life is simpler than we think,

but we must cultivate it with a cordial relationship with Allah first

and be His slaves first, not to others, If we were to reach that level

I believe we would have acquired this Dunya and entered the Jannah in this Dunya before entering

the Jannah of the hereafter in sha’ Allah. In the end, this could be the gift

I’m content to give you, and I hope that it will testify

for me on judgement day when we stand in front of Allah,

and you testify for me Alright doctor, we are on the eve of Eid,

and I ask Allah that the end of Ramadan be filled with forgiveness and atonement to sins

in sha Allah, so what else do you have to say? I say that we promised people to provide them

with “Iqraa’”(Read) and “Wa Nafs”(The Self) and we said that it would be possible

to talk about “Li Ta’arafo”(To Know others) I believe this way we completed the trilogy

in a quick summary Practice this during Eid, show us how

you don’t push other during the Eid prayer, show us the true selfishness that we talked about,

show us true altruism, show us cleaning the streets,

show us the greetings with smiles, show us how you purge what is within you

and go visit those that you cut ties with for a long time because they did not invite you to a wedding,

show us some of the manners towards Allah, by purging what’s within you towards your neighbour

or colleague or relative or a mother-in-law I believe if people did that,

it would mean much more to me than any certificate or medal,

and I ask that people make dua for us The Host: Ameen Dr Abdul Rahman: To purify our intentions,

and correct our actions, and to meet before Allah on thrones facing one another,

and to have the prophet (P.B.U.H.) intercede for us whose words we have learnt from, throughout these sessions,

all we’ve learnt comes from his school [peace be upon him] So I ask Allah that he accepts our efforts The Host: Jazaka Allah Khayran Doctor

May Allah bless you and may Allah accept from us and you Dr Abdul Rahman: I want to smile,

but find it rather difficult, I ask Allah that he brings us together

in another time Forgive me if I was somewhat strict during the sessions.

The Host: On the contrary. Dr Abdul Rahman: But it is only natural for a doctor’s scalpel to be sharp,

because its objective is to cure what needs to be cured even if it requires some sort of rigorousness,

so forgive me if I was somewhat strict The Host: On the contrary, I want to thank you very much

Dr Abdul Rahman: You’re welcome The Host: You were patient with us throughout these long sessions,

and it truly had a positive effect Dr Abdul Rahman: May Allah accept from you and I

The Host: May Allah accept Dr Abdul Rahman: Eid Mubarak and

may we meet again insha’Allah, May the blessing and mercy of Allah be upon you

The Host: And upon you too. Jazaka Allah Khayran Doctor

Dr Abdul Rahman: Wa Iyyak