جلسات #مع_نفسي 26 ... الاستبصار والتبصر وقراءة النفس – كراسة قراءة النفس: ماذا؟ لماذا؟ وكيف؟

Dr Abdul Rahman: Hello. The Host: Hello Doctor. Dr Abdul Rahman: Tell me sir. The Host: I had a question last time

that I couldn’t ask until today, We mentioned that there are general

and specific reading. Dr Abdul Rahman: Yes. The Host: We already talked about general reading. Dr Abdul Rahman: Yes, and what is general reading? The Host: We needed to dive deeper into

specific reading. Dr Abdul Rahman: Tell me, what is general reading?

For the sake of revision, It is creationism, need, pain, pleasure,

which lead us to the topic of expression and the need of the need and what not. We now pause at specific reading,

I know that I am a creature. Alright, how do I know Abdul Rahman?

Me who differs from others? Remember we said that there is something

called the introspection booklet? Alright?I may not use it necessarily

I can sit alone with myself. What do I advise here?

What I need to know is: How did I reach my current state? What made me the Abdul Rahman

sitting across from you today? It is certain that I went through an environment,

-environment in the sense of a social environment- not the common insult we use in slang

to refer to a bad environment- but the environment such as house, society, street,

market, mosque, Quranic centre, Youth centre, etc. I summarised all this in something called

introspection booklet, which I recommend people to dedicate

40 mins to an hour max everyday before bed. The Host: Daily?

Dr Abdul Rahman: Daily For the first phase,

after that he won’t need to do this. What to do first? Switch off your mobile phone,

remove any distractions, seclude yourself, remember when I told you to open your

living room door and let people out? The Host: Yes.

Dr Abdul Rahman: Alright. I sat with myself,

What should I do? Go through the booklet everyday for around 40 mins. I divided the booklet into stages,

The first 6 years, starting from 6 years till puberty, then puberty phase, puberty until highschool,

highschool till university or college, work, relationship, engagement,

wedding, even divorce. The point is to know who I am. The questions are not phrased

in a suggestive manner, for example: Do you remember your father as a good person?

No, none of that. Rather, What do you remember about your father?

How was your mother? What was your parent’s relationship like?

Plain questions in order to remember myself and how my psychological past lead me

to today, meaning that I reflect on myself

as if I were dissecting it. Alright, done with all this discussion,

What's next? People always ask this question.

After you’ve dissected and analysed yourself this will require you to know your weaknesses

and the things that you were reluctant to answer. Many times people ask me, "Doctor, why do I want to run away after

coming into this or that chapter? and I suddenly find a hundred things I want to do

rather than answer the chapter?” One of the brothers told me once:

“Doctor, something strange happened my mother woke up this morning and unfortunately

acted in a way we could not understand, suddenly she wanted to leave the house without

a hijab, and she began talking gibberish” They went to a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with

psychotic depression, alright? She is going through a depressive phase

with hallucinations, I told him “look, how old is your mother?”

He told me: “Nearly in her mid 60’s” I told him that I recommend the introspection booklet but she might need someone to help her through it,

Can you help her? He told me: “Yes, I can definitely help her”

I asked him: Will you be patient? Because there might be things that she might

refuse to say in your presence, He told me: “No problem,

I will take responsibility for this” And he started with her slowly

until she was convinced to start. He asked me: “She is illiterate,

Is it possible to use voice recordings?” I told him what’s important is

that she expresses herself, meaning that it is not enough just to read,

and then say I know the answer! No, she has to acknowledge these words

and get them out either in writing or voice recording, He told me: “Something weird happened,

everytime we try to get close to the chapter on relationship,

she distracts herself with anything but the booklet. I told him this is the crux of the issue,

focus with her on this topic, he asked me: “Should I force her?”

I told him yes, force her. He told me: “But she is my mother!”

I told him, consider yourself the surgeon with a scalpel and you will hurt her in order to remove the poison within her, alright? She refused for a day, two, three, four,

and in the end he told her: "Look, if you don’t do this, I will leave you

and you will never see me again” She felt pressure of course because she loves him,

“emotional blackmail”, she told him: “Alright,

but I want to do this on my own” and she recorded herself. What did he do? He saved the recording without

her knowing that he will be listening to it, she began talking about things

she never spoke about before her children, she hates the first days of her marriage,

and everything that happened at the in-laws’ house, with her mother in law and

eldest brother in law etc., he said: “suddenly after this, I found my mother

acting strangely, refusing any request from my dad” [the husband would say]: “I’ve invited people over”

[she’d say] “Order takeout for them, I’m not cooking.” I told him: “Your mother went back to

the first days of the relationship and is now rebelling after 40 years of marriage. The Host: As if she was having her revenge. Dr Abdul Rahman: Exactly,

everything is coming out now. I told him to leave her be,

and your father should know that if these emotions are not expressed now,

Allah knows how badly this could develop! She let everything out!

She began rebelling in a weird way! She started wanting to go out to training sessions,

to attend classes and what not, and Alhamdulillah the dad was cooperative

to a certain extent. One day he called me while I was in America, He told me: “Doctor, I wish you could see

the scene before me” I asked him what is it?

He told me: “We are at the beach, and my parents are walking together

as if they are in their engagement days” The Host: Subhanallah. Dr Abdul Rahman: I told him that

everything is out! All this because of the introspection booklet,

She let out things she wasn’t originally aware of After two weeks of that phone call,

by Allah’s decree the father passes away. The Host: Oh! Dr Abdul Rahman: The brother called me and said:

“My mother is crying for my father in a way that I never imagined, given the amount of

hate that existed till now” I told him imagine if the introspection

didn’t happen and she didn’t get everything out How will she be now?

She would not know whether to cry or hate him or pray he goes to hell etc.

However just by revealing all that It was over. And we will go over this

in detail when talking about purging. However, the introspection booklet-

being introspective makes me self-aware. What is within this unknown creature? I say it once again,

I need to know my weaknesses and strengths what are the sections that I stopped at

which made me anxious When I went over the section about school,

I got anxious. When I went over the section about friendships,

I got anxious. When I went over the section about relationships

and engagement I felt anxious, worried and wanted to escape. This is what we want,

the objective is to make you know yourself. The frequently asked question:

“What would happen if I don’t practice introspection?” Listen to this Quranic verse:

{Rather, man, against himself, will be a -} what? The Host: a witness}

Dr Abdul Rahman: - a witness, Even if he presents his excuses} (75:14-15) You know yourself best. So you can’t claim you

don’t know yourself! Therefore what do we call “Introspection”

in Fiqh al-Nafs? Contemplation and Insight. {Rather, man, against himself, will be a witness} You know yourself, however there are a lot of barriers

between you and yourself! That is why you need to turn off your phone,

let people out, and gradually reduce these barriers. What would happen if I didn't know myself?

A logical question, if you don’t know yourself people will trick you saying:

“You are this or that” and you will believe it! Why? Because you don’t know yourself, “You look like a doctor to me, study medicine!”

You don’t know yourself so you study medicine. “No no, you are not a doctor. You are an engineer,”

“You look like those public speakers” when you don’t know yourself,

you will make yourself a victim of other peoples’ judgements and whims

and you will be “a toy in their hands” because you don’t know yourself!

Therefore, introspection is very important! There is an issue however-

Do you have a question, go ahead. The Host: Doctor, the last example you gave - Dr Abdul Rahman: Which one? The Host: The example about the lady that had a problem- Dr Abdul Rahman: Ah, the lady. The Host: Is it possible that just by revealing my worries

and being honest with myself about my problems is it possible that just by revealing them

I will solve all my problems? Dr Abdul Rahman: Nice. There is a section in the Introspection Booklet,

which is published online, I published with it some of the feedbacks I received

from people I have never met in my life and have never visited the clinic, just by them

downloading the introspection booklet from the internet and reading it, they have sent me thank you notes:

“Thank you Doctor, the problem has been solved” “Doctor, I used to visit doctors to receive therapy now

the problem is solved” But is this the case for everyone? No!

Some may say the problem is solved Others may say:

I have some questions after practising introspection I feel like

I should sit with you. or have a session with a specialist. some may say: No, after practising introspection I found out

horrible things! It depends on the character, it’s weaknesses and strengths,

how deep the issues reside the most important thing is that you sat down

and found out what is inside Do you remember when we said that

the unknown is related to fear? The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: Imagine sitting with me and you don’t know anything about me,

most probably you will fear me. Switch the phrase “sitting with me” with

"sitting with yourself and you don’t know it” What will probably happen when you sit with yourself? You will be frightened and worried, moreover you wouldn't stand sitting with it

and you’ll try to escape using distractions: phone, music, YouTube, Snapchat,

Instagram etc, as long as I don’t sit with myself. Because I know once it starts talking,

it will make me hear things I don’t want to hear. The Host: All this talk made me recall my friend’s father

who would conduct weekly sessions at his house where the family would sit down and be

honest with each other, talking about situations that made them sad. Dr Abdul Rahman: Nice nice. The Host: Anything that happened amongst them.

I noticed they were a happy household, now I know their secret. Dr Abdul Rahman: This could be one of the secrets. Do you recall I gave an example

of the story of Kaab Ibn-Malik when he was left behind

during the Battle of Tabuk? The Host: Yes. Dr Abdul Rahman: I will give you an example that we can

wrap up this session with. How does the hadith start?

“I have never abandoned the Prophet ﷺ in any of his battles except

the battle of Tabuk and Badr. You pause and say, what?

After this optimistic introduction you mention that you also missed Battle of Badr

and you think you are something big? Listen what he says next: “The prophet (ﷺ) never admonished anyone

that didn’t participate in it [Badr]” This means that his introspection

helped him recognize the circumstances so no one can wrong him easily,

he knows that the Prophet ﷺ never admonished anyone that didn’t participate in that battle,

rather he had gone out in search of Quraish’s caravan till Allah made them meet their enemy

without any appointment” What does he say next?

“I witnessed the night of Al-`Aqaba (pledge) with the Prophet ﷺ

when we pledged for Islam” Watch how he appreciates himself.

“and I would not exchange it for the Badr battle although the Badr battle is more popular

amongst the people than it (i.e. Al-`Aqaba pledge)” Everyone is talking about Badr but I don’t care,

I care about the night of Al’aqaba when there were only a few of us. The Host: Self-worth. Dr Abdul Rahman: Self-worth.

Where did all this come from? Because he knows himself well,

What did he say? “As for my news (in this battle of Tabuk),

I had never been stronger or wealthier than I was when I remained

behind the Prophet in that battle. By Allah, I never had two she-camels before,-” He started dissecting himself as if

you’re sitting with a renowned psychiatrist because he’d practised introspection

and he did it seriously and was accepting of himself. We can probably talk about this later

however, the idea is that, being introspective- I know I said we will end with Kaab’s example

but I just remembered something, when I was with a friend of mine in Dubai

he noticed that whenever we passed by a famous fast food joint I would smile

He asked me what’s my deal with this restaurant? I told him this is a good example about introspection,

He asked why? I told him imagine if I wasn’t introspective

and you asked me this question I will be shocked: ”What’s this?

You’re right, What is my story with this restaurant anyways?”

and I might start wondering: “What possibly happened

at this restaurant and I don’t know about?” I might go see a psychiatrist

to understand my behaviour, and get afraid of going crazy at one point

and the therapist will dig deep and Allah knows what else. “Maybe I got harrased at this

restaurant when I was younger..”! etc. All this could be incorrect.

I told him it’s just that when I was younger and moved from Iraq to Kuwait it was my first time gathering my Eid money

and I watched a TV ad by this restaurant about a meal served with a toy

and it was my first time entering a restaurant alone

and purchasing a meal with my own money. That's all!

It’s a silly example about a restaurant, but just being self-aware and introspective

I was able to explain my behaviour easily. However if I didn’t know myself,

the attempt to explain could have led me to a psychological illness. This is in summary introspection

and its importance and there are many examples. The Host: Alright doctor, if I practised introspection

and found out horrible things Dr Abdul Rahman: Some issues.

The Host: Yes, what do I do with it? Dr Abdul Rahman: This will lead us to what

we spoke about several times which is accepting weakness or self-acceptance

and perhaps we will talk about this during the next session in sha’ Allah.. The Host: In sha’ Allah. Dr Abdul Rahman: See you next time.

The Host: Thank you. Dr Abdul Rahman: Brace yourself!

The Host: In sha’ Allah.